then the rest of my family. Because a few minutes ago - had they not been sleeping I might have destroyed this house with my bear hands punch holes in walls and then punched myself to death.

I'm so fucking sick of hearing people 'praise God' all the time. If I could put them in my shoes for ONE week, I could break their faith and shatter their lives. I'd need a week because one day isn't enough time to pretend everything is okay - go on through the weak only to have a mental breakdown.
And there are two types of breakdowns; one where you cry and one when you turn into the incredible hulk and scream at the top of your lungs.

Guess what everyone!?
Still no job!
PRAISE THE LORD! I'm sure me being a lazy fuck SOMEHOW fits in to God's miraculous plan to LOVE EVERYONE!

On top of that - it's like God's personal mission to make my life suck even more then it already does. Things that use to enertain me just bother the living shit out of me. I have no patience to do the things I love. So basically, now I have nothing to make my rotting away on this god-forsaken sphere go by faster. I'm just so god damned sick of being miserable. And I'm so god damned sick of not having a way to get out of it. Today. Baby steps won't fucking do it anymore.