Thank you for your advice, but I would like to clarify that I am not depressed and believe I have "figured out who and what" I am and "learn to accept it", and for the most part I do lead my life without thoughts of suicide or depression, but its ONLY when I see a beautiful boy that triggers feelings of love...then I suddenly find myself feeling like I want to die. If I don't see a very attractive boy then I can go for many months without feeling this way.

I know it probably makes no sense but its just how it is and that's why I am so confused and here asking for help. It's almost as if seeing a beautiful boy makes me realize what I am missing out on in life and how amazing it must feel to be in love and to only to be able to feel that from afar for a few seconds without ever being allowed to have the full extent of it makes me feel an impending sense of doom and eternal hopelessness and makes me just want to quit life right there and then. But the question is, should I in fact be feeling that way ?