I for one would be very interested in pursuing this issue:

explore the differences between the stereotypical "evil pedophile" and ourselves and whether the stereotype even exists in nature at all"

It's virtually impossible to come to a discussion of this topic without loaded language. Even in your own very balanced comment Blackstone you still used the word "inappropriately". ("I think a lot of pedophiles find themselves wanting to reject that term in an attempt to convince themselves that they are substantively different from those who act out sexually with children. I, on the other hand, believe the only difference between pedophiles who act inappropriately and us is the choices we make.")

Are there pedophiles who associate with children who DON'T engage with them sexually?

I heard an interesting discussion recently on the difference between "coitus" (the touching and engaging with genitals) and "sexual intercourse" (the [particularly non-coital] fellowship one has with another human being as a member of a gender class [male or female]). Using these definitions coitus would be a form of sexual intercourse but not all sexual intercourse would be coital.

The point is ... even if we aren't having sex with kids, our relating to them is sexual at some level.
For me who is totally committed to being non-coital with kids... I know that there is loads of "sexual intercourse" going on in terms of modleing and engaging with masculinity at both boyish and adult levels. The boy wants to be like the man and the man wants to be like the boy... and there's lots of love and affection. These things are experienced differently because of the sexual attraction (which is as much emotional as physical) by me than by a non-BL interacting with the same boy.

Taking the step over into coital sexual intercourse is indeed a choice in my opinion... one that would be in some circumstances, realitvely easy to make I'd think. Like if a boy and a man were really very in love with each other and non-coital physical contact was a regular part of their usual play and affection and they spent lots of time alone together.
This hardly makes the pedophile in question "evil"... sheesh!

Perhaps in cases where a boy is forced or coerced into sexing an adult one could call that "evil".... but I tend to hope that the more loving kind of temptation is what most of us here would relate to.

In the light of me asking my yf's parents and community to trust me being around him... what am I asking them to trust? That I won't get coital with him? That I won't flirt? That I will nurture his "heterosexaul" development? There will be sexual intercourse (as defined above).... how far I go is a choice and the lines are never black and white or crystal clear.

Blessings
Cat.