First I'll clarify my age, I'm 27. By the very defintion of love, one only wants what's best for the object of their affection, and my situation is no different. I have zero intentions of doing anything illegal. I want to be there for him in every capacity possible, but I know I can't be. My concern is not so much what I am going to do with him, but what to do with myself. I care far too much for him to allow myself be the cause of his pain. The subject actually came out when I told him that I wouldn't be friends with him or his brother. He asked why and I told him how I felt (honesty is the best policy right?), and while he didn't like the idea, he didn't want me out of his life. I wanted distance since this feels like a hopeless situation. Without me in his life his parents, siblings, church members and others will be sure he is fine. I really have no place. I liken my situation to that of Eponine from "Les Miserables" the movie, not the book (they are very different stories). I continue to torture myself by spending time with him, which seems like a fair punishment for my "evil" thoughts. I've been driven to the brink (I'm sure you can guess the meaning), and just need some resolution. I don't want to hurt him, but it seems like there is no good solution. I can't even decide which is the best of a bad situation. Why did it have to be him? I feel like this is a punishment for something I have done.