Things I've Learned

Christian Consultation on Boylove
"What struck me is the depth of their Christian faith..."

Boys Are From Saturn
"I must love boys differently than I love women."

Who is our Brother, Mother, Sister?
"After a while I realized where the hatred was really coming from."

The Bucket
"To be what God has intended for you,take care, and use great discretion."

What Is Boylove?

Boylove, or BL, as used by Paraklesis, refers to an emotional and sexual attraction that some men have towards prepubescent or adolescent boys.  We make a crucial distinction between feelings of attraction and behavior.  Boylovers, by our definition, do not molest boys.  Our experience is that an attraction toward children or adolescents is on average no stronger or more obsessive than an attraction toward adults, and that boylovers can control their feelings as do all responsible people.

Boylovers tend to experience a deep love and affection for certain boys to whom they are attracted.  They desire to get to know them, care for them, and develop a close emotional bond with them.  They enjoy their personalities, and celebrate their abilities and accomplishments.  As with gays and lesbians, these feelings are a deep and enduring aspect of a boylover's psychological make-up, and for this reason we consider BL to be an orientation, although those in the mental health profession are not agreed on this question.

Like all other people, boylovers do not choose their orientation, and it is not known what causes it.  Most boylovers have normal childhoods, and most boys who grow up in dysfunctional or abusive homes do not grow up to be boylovers.  Most sexologists believe that heterosexual and homosexual orientations develop as a result of complex interactions among genetics, physiological characteristics, and environmental factors.  We suspect that this also applies to BL.

Many boylovers who have attempted to change their orientation say their ability to love others and their self-esteem have been severely damaged.  Similarly, in the case of gays and lesbians, the American Psychiatric Association claims that re-orientation efforts usually are ineffective.  However, some gay and lesbian people, and some boylovers, have found change possible.  As Christians, we acknowledge that God can change one's orientation if he wishes to, but in many cases, he apparently chooses not to.  God does however promise that his grace will be sufficient, and that his power will be made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

We believe that boylovers are called to rejoice in what God has given them, and to seek to channel their love for boys in healthy ways.  For some boylovers, temptation is a difficult struggle, and it is not worth risking the well-being of a child and the boylover's freedom in order to participate in a friendship.  However, most boylovers are able to control their behavior and maintain non-sexual relationships with boys, in the same way that most straight men develop wholesome friendships with women to whom they are not married.  In fact, many boylovers form special relationships with their young friends (YFs) that are life-giving and satisfying for both.