Fist timer with a testimony
Submitted by Celibate on January 21 2001 22:55:15
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Much has happened to me in the past two days, so please forgive me for giving a rather long testimony. Until now I have never had the chance to talk to anyone about this. Stating it in an oversimplified way, desperation led to searching, and searching led to discovery. I believe that God has opened up some of this discovery in answer to the anguish and prayers of many, many years. Only yesterday I learned the term "boylove" and after reading for hours about this subject came to the conclusion that it fits my case precisely. I am struggling with many questions on boylove within the framework of being a Christian. It appears that this may be the best place to discuss these questions. I have read some of the more recent posts and see that there are different opinions within this community, which can be useful. Here are some of my views and beliefs: I believe that lust is sinful no matter what the object of that lust. I also believe that temptation is not sin. I believe that boylove can be used constructively within a celibate lifestyle, but only with the help of God. I know this because I have practiced that very thing since becoming a Christian nearly 30 years ago. The greatest blessing that has come to me in the last 48 hours has been the easing of some of the terrible pain that has been in my heart now for decades. Though I do not agree with some of the conclusions drawn by others, I now believe that simply loving a boy, or finding a boy to be attractive is not sinful. For all these years I have felt condemned and have condemned myself for even entertaining such thoughts, though I could not stop loving and trying to help boys. There is an incredible weight lifted from my heart in realizing that it is ok to appreciate the beauty of a young boy, and to want to be a positive influence in his life. I still believe that it is sinful to engage in sex with another person unless it is within the guidelines provided in the Bible. I have already been trying to concentrate on non-sexual aspects of my love and appreciation for boys, yet with a constant realization (as a warning to me) that the sexual attraction is there. Instead, I have tried to mentor, tutor, nurture, befriend, etc. I now believe even more firmly that this is the best way. Agape love asks for nothing in return. The Lord has permitted me to be a strong influence in leading many boys to Christ. This is the greatest reward I could hope for. An analogy I would like to use here is to the concept taught in "AA" which is the admission "I AM an alcoholic." For some time now I have been telling myself: "I am a pedophile." Now I can use the more accurate phrase: "I am a boylover." What's the point? An alcoholic may be able to control his alcoholism, but he can never get rid of it. He must always be on his guard. I believe that it is the same for those with the boylove sexual orientation. Some of the posts on this site imply that the attraction to boys can be totally removed, to which I disagree. I believe that the attraction can be controlled and used for constructive purposes, but once it is established I do not believe it can be eradicated. To answer such assertions by implying that those who have spent a lifetime trying to be "cured" have not tried hard enough or do not have enough faith shows a lack of understanding. I have seen God's hand in every aspect of my life and have strong proofs that my struggles and faith have been acceptable in His sight. My mental struggles to this point have not been with God, but in reconciling God's loving dealings with me in contrast to the guilt imposed on me by well-meaning Christians. Now I understand for the first time that some of the views of some well-meaning Christians (on this subject) are wrong. Some time in the future I would like to discuss some areas that have to do with the "why" of this issue. A number of posts ask this question. I believe the Bible contains an answer that is of special comfort to all boylovers everywhere (as well as others). I have derived strength from this realization for many years, and can now appreciate it even more. Many thanks to our loving heavenly Father for his plan of salvation, and to his only begotten Son for providing the Ransom. Thanks also to the sponsors of this site. I look forward to sharing thoughts with you and discussing our struggles, etc. from a Christian perspective. Celibate |
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