boylove girlove anylove
Submitted by Massive Attack Angel on July 23 2001 00:46:25
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HI, I've been sexually attracted to little girls for about the past 4 years... when one LG showed love toward me while all girls my age shunned me is when I started liking little ones. Like many of you posting here, I get great satisfaction being around young ones and feel I can relate to them. In the past I've come close to touching a few 'inappropriately.' Currently when I go someplace in public and nobody around knows me, I am extremely tempted to brush against a LG's arm or even butt... and have done it a few times. It gives me a rush. I am so messed up. Many of my sexual fantasies involve my preteen female cousins since I know they care about me. An interesting thing happened a few months ago with a boy I had known for only a few months. I've never even been interested in befriending boys, but I grew to really love and care for this boy since he showed an interest in me. I got an erection from him, (he's 9yo), at least twice the same day -- I had never gotten one from a boy before then. I got one that day when we were playfully wrestling and he had my hand up between his legs -- I wanted to move my hand to make contact with his crotch, but didn't. That was the first, and so far only, time wanting to touch a boy like that. Later that day I got another erection when he was laying on me. I had never been attracted to boys before then and still am not, but the fact that I know HE cares about ME makes him desirable (not necessarily sexually.) I have had a few sexual fantasies about him -- involving him and his older sister doing sexual stuff. A few days ago I started to have one involving me and him, but I stopped -- because I don't want to become gay (sorry if I offend anyone, but my life is difficult enough.) I still only look at LGs sexually, but since this sweet boy showed his love for me I see him as desirable... which makes me think that maybe if I can get a girl my age to show love to me I can get the LGs off my mind and my life wont be so damn frustrating. That seems to be my only hope. I often just want to say "F-YOU GOD" because what I'm going through. Every minute of life eats at my brain. My faith is bottoming-out. I wish I could say God is #1 in my life, but He seems very distant. I will pray for you all on this board and hope you'll do the same for me. -MAA |
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