similar thoughts
Submitted by Nate on August 18 2001 01:20:11
In reply to Thoughts submitted by Jules on August 16 2001 17:45:33
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What you have to say is very helpful. I have been having similar thoughts, but had not yet worked them up into words. You just gave me a big push in the right direction. Thanks! I used to accept that my attraction to boys was homosexual in nature, so I must be - at some level - gay, though I really didn't want to be. Soon after I started reading the discussions here and on BC, I recognised that I was definately not gay, in the sense of an attraction to adult men. Just listening to others descriptions of themselves helped me to sort it out as I sat back thinking: "That's me." "That's not me." "That's definately NOT me." "That's ME!" I have come to believe that human sexuality is a continuum, much as you describe. I think that all of us are sexually attracted to all the others to some degree, however slight. For most people, however, most of their sexual feelings are shrouded in denial. I think that we train ourselves as we grow to prefer some people over others. Forgiven raised this question in a tread about "did we chose to be boylovers?". I have been thinking about that ever since. I can remember early on deciding consciously that little girls were "forbidden fruit" and that I would not allow myself to go there. Along about 18 or 20, I was feeling lots of pressure from society to make a lifestyle choice to lust after women. As a new Christian, I made a choice not to, rather to wait for God to arrange a wife for me. I was quite surprised to discover, some years later, that my primary sexual attraction had developed toward young boys! My OOA, then is: 1. boys! 2. girls? . 3. women . . . . 4. men From personal experience, and observing friends, and from what I have read, I have also come to believe that there is a normal progression to boyhood sexual development which all boys go through as they mature: 1. boys 2. men 3. girls 4. women This is not necessarily a linear progression, but rather different quadrants develop at different rates for each boy. Of course, not all boys have sexual experience in all quadrants, but I would propose that all boys experience attraction in each area and work through those feelings - with the help(?) of their societies rules and prejudices. And it would appear that some of us can get stuck in our development in one area or another. OK, I present all of that wild hypothesis in order to say that I think that I too am becoming "unstuck" and beginning to allow my sexuality to grow again. Last weekend I had my first GL experience! It was very appropriate, with family around, and she very much enjoyed the attention. It was just something very new to me. Maybe Peter Pan can grow up? Nate |
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