Did I say that? Did he say that?
Submitted by Nate on September 30 2001 19:22:11
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OK, I know you guys hate it when I share these stories, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to about it. It was two weeks ago that I was standing in the lobby at church talking to D3, a 15 year-old boy whom I have known as an acquaintance since he was little. He has always been so nice to me - to everyone actually. He is the boy who goes around giving hugs to everyone: men and women, the girls, other boys when they will let him. He picks up little children and plays with them. He has always been to me the image of innocent Christian character in a boy. I seriously wonder sometimes if a sexual thought has yet entered his head. "What?," he said. I realized that I had been looking at him for a long time and not talking. "Oh. I just can't get over how much you've grown. When I think about you, I always think of you as being seven years old. I still remember that day when we went to the zoo with the church group. Do you ever think about that trip?" He laughed, "I don't remember much about that day, except that I remember some of the animals, and I remember that you were there." "When we got through the gate, you grabbed my hand and said, 'Come on, Nate!', and started running through the zoo," I reminded him. "We ran through that whole place and stayed ahead of everybody in the group. I had so much fun being with you that day!" We talked a little more, but soon it was time to go inside for worship. And such has been the extent of my relationship with him – only seeing him for a few minutes here and there, never an opportunity to really spend time with him. I used to go out to visit his family on the farm – up until the incident with D1. It was all just a misunderstanding, but now I don’t trust his parents, and I don’t think that they trust me. But those hugs…I keep wondering about the hugs. They are always so full and intimate. Surely he doesn’t greet everyone with that kind of contact. Most people would be embarrassed, or surprised. I can’t tell by watching, though: If the hug is made short enough, you can’t tell from the outside just how much emotion was expressed. At least I hope that others can’t tell that he and I have been sharing love in public in that brief second or two. I asked 3of4, my long-time closest young friend, about him – if he thought that D3 was the type to want to “fool around.” The two have been best friends since they were little, so I figured 3of4 would know. “No way!” “He hates sex stuff. You should see how mad he gets when the girls keep asking him if they can be his girlfriend!” “I wouldn’t try it – he is too good a friend to lose.” For all appearances, it would seem that D3 is the model of innocent purity in love. Through the years of my isolation, when I was rejected by the people in my own church, that hug from D3 was the light in my week. When no one else would acknowledge me, D3 had a hug for me. There were times when the only reason I could think of to get up and go to church was to see him. I have long considered his act to be an expression of the very love of God to me, and I receive his hug as a sacrament. ______________________________________ Today, after the service, D3 headed over to me and gave me a nice hug. He walked out to the lobby with me and we talked a little while. I asked him about school, and football practice. Somehow, I got a second hug! Then the little kids got loosed from Sunday School and 10 year old C1 from my house church came running over. He must have seen me hugging D3 because I could hear a little jealousy in his voice as he asked, “Is that your friend?” “Yes,” I answered. “He has been my friend since he was smaller that you! He was this big when we became friends.” I said, holding my hand about three feet off the ground. “Whoa….” C1 got big eyes as he looked up at the High School football star who was once a little boy. C1 gave me a gift that he had made in Sunday School, and ran off. Holding my hand out once more, I raised it about two inches and said to D3, “You were this big when I fell in love with you.” I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was looking at me, but I kept staring at my hand. I didn’t dare look into his eyes, because I knew that my eyes would have told him the truth, and at this point I needed to be able to make a joke out of it if things went bad. “Are you sure I wasn’t this big?”, he asked, holding his hand an inch higher than mine. “OK, maybe this big,” I said, raising my hand to match his. By this time I was getting nervous. I was shocked that I had just said out loud what I had been thinking since that conversation about the day at the zoo. Luckily, some other people approached and greetings continued and he and I were separated by the crowd for a while. Later, D2, his older brother, came in and called to him that the family was waiting in the car. D3 started to follow him out, but walked right up to me, gave me another wonderfully deep hug and said softly, “I love you.” I barely got out, “I love you, too” before he walked out into the parking lot and left. ________________________________________________________________________ Now what? Did he just say what I heard? Or did I mean what he said? Did he hear what I said? What was I thinking? Arghh! |
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