A Recurring Dream
Submitted by Celtic Drummer on January 8 2002 14:59:52
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I have had a recurring dream over the past several weeks that leaves me somewhat uneasy. Some psychologists say that there is definitely meaning in dreams that seem to recur over a period of time. This may or may not be true. I have spent a considerable amount of time pondering and analyzing this dream. It is very short, but then most dreams are. I feel the need to share this with someone and have some input, but I hesitate to share this dream with any of the people I know. There could be repercussions that might be damaging. I am a boy lover and have worked with kids for many years. Obviously, there is a danger in reading too much into a dream, especially if it is taken literally. So let me share the dream with you and see if you think I am reading too much into it. You may have other thoughts or insights into it. A group of four or five children is walking down a dirt road carrying schoolbooks and lunch pails on a bright day with a clear blue sky above. School is over for the day and they are casually walking home. Their ages range from about eight to eleven. In the brush ahead is an assassin with a rifle complete with a scope. He is waiting for the children with the intent to kill them. Somehow I know what his intentions are. I have a strong desire to protect these children from their unknown assailant, so I very quietly sneak up to his brush cover from behind. As the children approach, the assassin takes aim. I burst through the brush and the assassin turns toward me. I grab the rifle and as we struggle, I look into the assassin’s face and discover, with astonishment, that the assassin is me! As we look into each other’s eyes we both realize that whatever one does to the other, he also does to himself. If the assassin kills me, he kills himself. If I turn the assassin to the authorities and he goes to prison, then I go to prison, too. It is at this point that I wake up. There are several possible implications that are obvious to me. Being a boylover, I see the paradox. I may be both a danger and a savior for the children. I deeply care about the kids and my motives are pure in that respect. On the other hand, there have been times when I found myself sexually attracted to individual boys. So there is also a darker side. However, since I have never desired to kill or even hurt a child, this may only be a perception that society has imposed. Am I reflecting societal standards to this dream? Maybe. Another thought is that it may be a warning. Recognizing that there is a struggle going on inside me, I must constantly examine my motives to see if they are truly altruistic or simply selfish. I cannot allow my baser desires to go unchecked. That could be devastating for both the boy and me. It would wipe out any good that I have done in the past or that I might do in the future. In one sense that dark side makes me as much of a danger to myself as I might be to a boy. Even if it were possible, destroying that darker side of me would mean destroying a part of who I am. So I must learn to coexist with the darker side.. So what do you think? Am I off base here? Am I reading too much into this dream? Are there things you see that I am not considering? Dreams have often been used in Scripture to convey God's will. But it would certainly be a mistake to view all dreams as messages from God. I would appreciate your perspectives on this. |
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