Re: Don't jump to conclusions
Submitted by sally on March 25 2002 10:26:12
In reply to Don't jump to conclusions submitted by Forgiven on March 24 2002 16:56:20
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I've an ex YF, now 27, who has just had a baby son. He describes me has his mentor for his last years in High School. At the time he didn't know that I was a BL (though he is aware now) and there was never a sexual component to our relationship. I will affirm to my dying day that was a God given relationship. You may affirm that but you have no biblical basis for doing so, I don't believe. Children are told to honor their fathers and their mothers. When you step into the child's life you are taking from him honor that should be going to his father. That 27 yo--your ex-yf-- should have looked to his father as his mentor. If he had not father you should have prayed for him to have one. Or for a grandfather or uncle to take that role. It is not your God-given role no matter how loudly you affirm it or for how long. My current YFs - for lack of a better title - are now 20 and 21, and have been a part of my life for the past 6 years. They also know I am a BL, and accept and value me as a friend. Again I have NO doubt that those relationships were arranged by God to the benefit of both me and them. Again the fact that you don't doubt it doesn't make it so. We cannot trust our own emotions we must base our beliefs upon the word of God. Can you give me some scripture to indicate that you are not usurping the authority and honor that God has given to these boys fathers and mothers? God has ordained that parents nurture children is a highly cultural specific statement; Not so. It is a biblical statement. Children are to parents for this is right and they are to honor their fathers and their mothers and they and parents are to impress God's laws upon them. No where are you commanded to mentor YFs. But I am commanded to discipline my children-- to teach them. And they are commanded to obey and honor me. the traditional pattern of family life is an extended family where the nurture of children occurs in a far wider context than the modern nuclear family that is such an outstanding failure in modern Western societies. Well I would never object to you involvement in your nephews' lives. Though I don't think the Bible makes it clear that this has to be. I can see Abraham was very involved in Lot's life at times. And I find that acceptable. But did he mentor other people's children? We need to learn what it is to gain the support of non family members in our care of children. Oh I disagree so strongly here. My children have almost never been away from me. They are my constant companions and best friends. We are so strongly bonded with one another that you might think that they have no strength and will be crippled as adults. But I have seen the families who have raised their children this way and their grown children are successful, highly confident, talented, Christian people. Well-adjusted and secure. When parents love their children and don't foist them off on others, the children grow up with a great sense of security and identity and they see well how God loves them though they are sinners. It only makes sense. When we send our children off to school and daycare with a bunch of children and teachers who don't love the kids they kids will learn to be shy and insecure. But when we keep our children with us they are with the ones who love them most in all the world and they grow up secure and confident. There are two ways to avoid the risk of sexual abuse - one is to prevent your kids from ever leaving the house, the other is to ensure that they know how to say 'no' when they feel an action is inappropriate - and that the adults they mix with know that they will say 'no'. I have no doubt that the gains that a child has from having a variety of adults in their lives is worth the risk of things going wrong (which is not to minimise the risks - just to try to emphasis what is being lost as a result of the paranoia that is now present). And of course remember that the vast majority of sexual abuse of kids occurs at the hands of family members, not the 'wandering ped' anyway.... I do not object to your having YFs because I fear you will molest them. I object because you are not a family member. I'll give you that it is OK for children to have friends outside the family once they've reached and age where they can choose their friends wisely. My children have friends outside the family now. They are eight and nine. But they are very closely monitored. They do not spend a whole lot of time with their friends. This has nothing to do with sex but with my responsibility as a mother to love my children and train them. I can't train them if they are in school all day or out with friends for long stretches. I would not have a problem with my sixteen yo son spending time with any of you. (at least I hope he will be mature enough by then to be wise about his friendships) But I would have a problem with you mentoring him. Friendship and mentoring are two different things. I don't believe you are called to mentor my son. sally |
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