Ever feel like you can escape this?
Submitted by Reason Filled on 2002-11-21 18:27:52, Thursday
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I'm a very staunch supporter of self responsibility, and I hate the word "victim". I find my self, many times, telling myself, so what if you have these feelings as a result of what your father did, or if you were born this way, you can get over it, move on, ignore it, get past it. I ask myself, why do I even come to sites such as this. Why do I label myself a bl. Does that not validate what I don't want to be? Why can't I just be a good, christian guy that likes to help out or be a mentor to boys? Why even acknowledge the sexual aspect? I mean, I hear people mentioned all the time with comments like "he/she is great with kids". That doesn't mean they are pedophiles. Why can't I just be "good with kids" and forget all this pedophile stuff? I even, sometimes, get the feeling that the sexual aspect is not there any more. Last weekend, driving around with my yf, and hearing him talk about moving in with his mother (long story, she has chosen drugs over him) I just felt so much pain for him, knowing the pain that awaits him when he starts to realize his situation. I felt a desire to always be there for him, for him to talk to, cry on, whatever. Yes, I desired to be a lot closer to him, but the sexual aspect was not there. The part of me, that I usually have to silence didn't need to be silenced. I even prayed to God to make that a permanent thing. Is God giving me a glimpse of where I can be if I follow Him? Is possible that the sexual aspect could not be an issue in the future. I don't know. I choose not to dwell on it. I know that, no matter what, God will be with me, and give me the strength I need to resist temptation, even if I must live the rest of my life with it. In Christ, RF |
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