God, Christ and hope
Submitted by Ben on May 23 1999 at 07:27:59
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Just thought that you guys deserved an update on my life. First and foremost, I have accept Jesus as my personal savior and the son of God and intend to be baptized in the next month or so. My life has made the most dramatic change since I started studying the bible and going to church. Instead of spending every night surfing legal pic sites, and eyeing every cutie I see around me (I have always been celibate....the damage has always been to ME), I spend my nights with other Christian friends, enjoying their company and their kids. Our church is very very close knit and this has given me the unique opportunity to have my 'own kids' in a way (including the twins). I've traded off endless nights of fantasizing about boys that I will never know, for enjoying the company and being part of the life of real boys who I can call my little brothers. Sometimes controlling my fantasies is challenging, but when I compare this life with the old one, the struggle is worth it. Yes, I do fail sometimes and there are some nights when I am feeling so desirous of a boy that I fantasize about him. I accept my sinfulness and I repent for it, not out of guilt or fear of damnation, but out of thankfulness for God's gift to me. I know that there are no biblical references which confirm that masterbation is sinful....but I accept my church's decree that it is (we are fundamentalists :-) with my own conclusion that doing it in EXCESS is sinful. The less, the better. The challenge that I've accepted for my life is very uncharacteristic of the BL life that I had been resolved to lead over the past few years. I'm a bit scared to be making such a radical commmittment to change....but I do believe that God has a plan for my life, and as long as that plan has given me this huge family of good friends and cute kids to surround me, I'm going to seek God with all of my heart. BTW, my family is so angry with what I am doing (they are not Christian and they do NOT know that I am a BL....so why I would want to become a fundamentalist is totally beyond them), that they have practically disowned me. I guess that was predicted by Jesus 2,000 years ago anyway :) You are not alone. 
Ben |