Long Introduction
Submitted by Dunstin on June 05 2000 19:02:40
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Hello, [I made this post to Boychat as well, but I'm also a Christain and would like your input too...Thnaks] I recently discovered this board and know I am a BL to a certain degree. This is my first post to this board but I've known of it for a while. I just had an interesting weekend and I wanted some advice on my situation and it seemed the opportunity to make my introductions. I recently got back from a family reunion. I have attended these reunions for years now and acted in no way different than I always do. I am the "babysitter" for the kids, in that I hang around the kids as they play and do stuff with them while the "adults" are reminicing. #1 I can't sit still for any period of time to talk. #2, I feel free and at ease when I'm around the kids--like I was meant to be, although I am many years older than most of them. Before I left the reunion, my great-Aunt thanked me once again for watching the kids and mentioned how wonderful it was to have "a person who is so good with the kids" keep them occupied. I left in a good mood. Later I went with some of my relatives to eat and swim. I noted my Aunt watching me when I was around my cousins, when we were swimming and soforth, and she was rather harsh in telling me at one point to leave them alone when I just peeked into the room to tell them good night. It really bothered me and I approached my step-mom about it; she mentioned that several people had talked to her about the inordinant amount of time I seem to spend with the kids and that it was "abnormal" for me to be so drawn to them. I mentioned that, growing up, I was withdrawn and didn't spend much time outdoors or otherwise with my peers--that my time spent around kids was a means to "make up for" that lost time as a child. This came from a discussion I had with a counselor once on the same topic--it was his theory. I spent all night trying to comtemplate why I am so drawn to spending time with kids. I recounted several friends I grew up with, but were younger than I (what you would call a young friend) and noted my interest in them and behavior around them did not ruin their upbringing; they turned out rather well and with good self esteem. I would even go so far to say my time spent with them helped them to see and have a trusting mentor in thier life. I only feel guilty when my family points the finger, or when I am targeted as a suspect because I like to hand around kids. How do I deal with these issues? Am I abnormal for feeling so at ease around kids? I do spend a lot of time with my peers too, so it's not like I'm obsessed with these issues, but when there are a number of kids around, a switch goes off and my rational behavior and self-control seem to go pot. Is my (then)counselor's theory a correct one? What can I do to suppress these feelings? What do I say to those who suspect me abnormal? Sorry for my first post being such a long one, but I'm a bit perplexed by these feelings and such. I'll contribute more, but I'd like your input too. [I also know in the Bible it talks about Jesus saying "let the children come unto me." I believe this is applicable and a role to follow in dealing with kids. I enjoy my time with them, my problem boils down to when to turn them away and when not to. Thanks for listening.] Thanks, Dunstin |
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