I don't know what to believe anymore...
Submitted by Altima on June 18 2000 11:05:21
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Hi, this is my first time here. I am 14 years old and I'm in Ireland. I have a very good life. A good house, good school, good neighborhood, good family. Seems like nothing could be better. But I feel like my life is falling apart inside me. I am alone a lot, so I have a lot of time to think to myself. I wonder what the point of it all is, I wonder about the complex intracicies of society that makes living the way it is. Just when I think I have it all figured out, I don't like it. I used to be the most spiritual person in my family. I have a good know-how of the Bible. But a part of me just doesn't want to beleive it. It's the part of me that says "We are all just bodies of flesh and blood, endowed by an anilytical brain that has been fashoned over millions of years, and when we die, that's it. Nothing else happens, you just dissappear." I'm driving myself crazy, I think to myself "Maybe us boylovers are wrong. Maybe the 'normal' people are right. Success of the species. We are a minority, so what rights do we have to say everyone else is wrong, or just wrong about us." That would be the most confusing and most abstract aspect of my life. I felt that this would be the best place to let it be heard, as religion is a very complex and extremely abstract thing. I think I am begining to worry some people, as my artwork (I am very good at it, won several awards) is becoming more and more disturbing and darker. I think I am venting out frustration through it, but I doesn't make me feel any different. I am sorry for going on like this. It is so hard to put raw emotions into words. I tried my best, you don't really have to comment on this, but I feel better letting in known. Don't worry about me though, I'm not suicidal. I think suicide is pointless, considering my views on death. Here I go again, off on a tangeant. I'll stop now. Thanks to those of you that read this. |
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