your post has that central paradox which is somehow an essential ingredient of each of our lives. 'Would I be someone else?' The fact that probably everyone would answer no - except perhaps when faced with execution or long imprisonment [and even then only as a way out of imminent punishment] - is a really important truth about being human. There is another contradiction in your post though which I don't think anyone can satisfactorily explain away: you say that God did NOT create you BL and yet you also say 'the way God has shaped me through those experiences'. But the question then remains: if God didn't who did?