your answer was very humbling aionios. It's so difficult to be there for someone through a forum. . . . and you've already been through so much over all of this. One thing I do know is that the gospel can never be about what might happen to us in hell: it can only be about what happens to us now. Some preachers just don't understand how sensitive guys like you with really strong imaginations can be really made to suffer for no valid reason at all. [Luckily for me we don't get preachers like that in UK: I would have run from the church screaming I think.]
I guess you're referring to verse 41 in that chapter 13 . . . . where did the genital mutilation come from though? Did someone suggest that? It's certainly not biblical: not even in the most violent bits of the old testament!
The parables definitely are not about natural selection though. Jesus died on a cross a failure and a criminal. Darwin wouldn't have been able to make any sense of that I think. Spiritual things can only be understood in a spiritual way. If it doesnt make sense to you yet don't force it. All in good time!
What does your family feel about you maybe going on the gay scene? Are they Christians?