A Surreal Experience
My First Gathering

By Samuel Christianson

The fear was strong as I made the call to be picked up at the station. I had approached this moment with a conscious effort not to have any expectations, but now my mind was running away with all the possible scenarios that could unfold in the next few minutes. For the first time, I was about to allow someone to make a connection between my real life and the online persona that I had developed on the Internet.

What if this whole thing was a bad idea? What if the people that I was about to meet were really out to entrap me because of my association with CBF?  What if I were about to be arrested and detained for questioning about something that I had said online about my feelings?

The one thing that steadied my nerves as I stood on the platform, waiting, was remembering how much time and effort these people - these brothers in Christ - had invested in caring for me. Certainly, some agency that was out to get me could not duplicate the fellowship and understanding that I had experienced on CBF. Jesus taught that we can know a tree by its fruit: a good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree cannot produce good fruit. I had to admit that the fruit in my life from my involvement at CBF was good. So I waited.

And there they were - not just one or two - but most of the group had come out to meet me! With the introductions made and chatty conversation going on around me, I began to experience a strange swimmy feeling - a surreal gap had occurred in my perception of reality: here were several people that I had just met for the first time, yet I knew intimate details about the lives of each one. I could look at a new face only once, and feel like I had known this person for a long time. One of the Gathering participants leaned over and knowingly said to me, "It feels strange doesn't it? Don't worry - you get used to it after awhile."

I guess the most surprising thing to me was that this group was so ordinary. It might as well have been a meeting of the American Society of Electrical Engineers or something. The only unusual characteristic shared by everyone in the group was that they were all so naturally kind to one another. It is rare to find that level of compassionate patience in one person, and somehow, it was odd to see it in so many together.

At first, I was somewhat nervous about being asked so many questions about myself, and my life, but people seemed to be fine when I expressed a desire to maintain a degree of anonymity. They just wanted to know me better as a person, and nobody ever pushed me for more information than I wanted to share.

One of the most helpful of the structured sessions during the Gathering, for me, was when we each took some time to share the story of our spiritual background and journey. It really helped me to get a broader understanding of each of the participants; and, for the first time, to begin to see the importance of the mission of CBF to reach out to BLs who may have nowhere else to turn.

By the end of the weekend, it was clear to me that I had made several new friends. Though it is uncertain where my journey will take me from here, I now know this in my heart: I am not alone!

Samuel Christianson is an information technology consultant who lives alone with his cat. He enjoys bike riding and backpacking whenever possible.