let me introduce myself
Submitted by ken on August 12 2000 23:06:39
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Hello, all. I posted here a few times a year or so ago, but haven't recently for several reasons. Anyway, it occurred to me that, perhaps, I should. Almost two years ago, I gave my life to Christ after having been introduced to a wonderful campus church (yea, I'm a college kid) in town. Since then I've been trying to figure out how to live my life, given that I'm a boylover. Unfortunately, even after all this time, I can't bring myself to believe that the Bible condemns what I desire. Nor can I find any sense of guilt in me that would make me want to stop being a boylover. (I can find all sorts of other reasons not to be a boylover, but not guilt or shame). I'd describe myself as an evangelical Christian. I take the bible very literally, although in the context of the time and culture in which it was written. I believe that it's the word of God, given to us so that we can have a better understanding of him and his desire for our lives. I don't understand why God made me this way, gave me a church that thinks homosexuality in any form is wrong, and didn't give me the "wisdom" (?) to understand that myself. Fortunately, I've got an awesome church. The pastors and staff that I've talked to about boylove are very supportive; they even introduced me to another (former) boylover in the church. (He's now a "recovering" bl.) Unfortunately, they are conviced that there's something "wrong" with me that needs to be "corrected" and I can't say I agree with them. I'm open to the possibility, but I don't know how at all to locate the "problem" let alone "correct" it. If any of you have any suggestions on how to proceed, that would be great. Right now my spiritual counsellor has me trying to answer the following questions: What are my motivations for spending time with kids? Why kids? Why boys? What needs/desires of mine are being met by spending time with them? I'm curious: has anyone out there gone through the same sort of self-analysis and found any answers? Immediately: I'm on my way to being a jr. high school teacher. This concerns me greatly, because I'm all too aware of what could happen to me in such a position, but I'm trusting that this is what God wants me to be doing with my life. Also, given that one of God's main desires for my life is for me to spread the Gospel, I'm (somewhat actively) pursuing ministry and evangelism. It happens that I have a knack for reaching out to teens, especially boys. Again, this is of some concern to me and to the elders in my church... I'm not sure to what extent I should pursue this line of ministry, given that my thoughts are not always pure and there's the possibility that something could happen to me or a child I'm working with. Thoughts, comments are appreciated. thanks for listening! -- Ken |
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