guess who?
Submitted by Derek on August 26 2000 22:47:27
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Hi... I changed my name, I hope you don't mind. I chose the name after one of my former students. Nothing special about our relationship, but he's a good kid and I like the name. :) I met with an elder from my church today to talk about my struggles. I can't remember who said it, but someone said "once you're a boylover, you're always considered a boylover." Today I found that to be very true. We struggled a little in understanding each other because I think I had come to the point where I was looking beyond my sexual desires and trying to figure out why I'm so attracted to boys even in a nonsexual way. He took the assumption that the only desire I had (? something like that at least) was sexual. I'm not sure whether I should separate the two or not, but I'd like to. I'd like to be able to enjoy my time with boys even if (especially if) it's not sexual... it seems my elder is more likely to believe that all my attractions, sexual or not, stem from the same root issue. I'm not sure how to respond to that. I'm not sure if I really am attracted to kids in a healthy, nonsexual way or if it's all just a subliminal difference of the same attraction... I'm constantly struggling with whether I should believe what my church wants me to believe, or believe what I personally feel is the truth, or something else entirely. As you can see, they've got me overanalyzing myself to death. :) My time with boys is some of the most relaxing and rewarding in my life. (I'm sure many of you feel the same way.) It's hard for me to imagine that those times are not endorsed by God. |
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