Dreams, meaningless offspring of idle minds...
Submitted by Altima on April 16 2001 20:08:38
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In a previous post I mentioned dreams. Dreams are a rare occurrance for me, and when they happen to me, they are usually very vivid and usually have an impact on my emotionally. The last dream I had a little while ago I posted up, I had a fever and got very disturbed by the dream my sickness generated. Recently though, I've been having a different kind of dream, one that doesn't seem to limit itself ot my unconcious mind. A few nights ago I had a dream while I slept, and it was unusual, for one of my dreams. I didn't seem to be a narrative. It was like a setting perhaps, like it was saying "this is the way things are," and not describing a particular event. It was like one moment slowed down to last hours. In the dream, it was experiance through my eyes, I knew it was me, though I was much older, it was like there were established facts in my mind, like memories, if they are possible in dreams. I was in a house different than my current one (hard to describe, it was a bit darker than my current house) and I had a son. That seemed to be the main focus of the dream. The boy seemd about 8 or 9 years old. Brown hair, blue eyes, think of Haley Joel Osment, he looked a bit like him. There seemd to be vague recollection of a wife, but that there was no wife anymore, her having left for some reason, or me leaving her. It wasn't so much the content of the dream that interested or impacted me, it was the feeling I got from it. It was the first time I ever really felt love for someone, that I genuinely cared for someone on a very deep level. It was like I lived for him. I'm finding it very difficult to put this into words (Hell, the greatest poets have been trying for centuries) but I guess I can make an analogy. It would be like someone being told what a joy it is to eat chocolate, and someone having read many books on the subject of eating chocolate, and what it tastes like, but this person has never eaten chocolate. And (predictably) my experiance felt like that hypothetical person having his first taste of chocolate. From the facts or as I'll loosely call them, "memories" that existed in the dreams, and some portions of the dream itself, this was a fantastic boy, he would read many books far above his level, classics and such, he would be curious, asking a lot of questions, and howing the initiative to seek some answers for himself. He never yelled, screamed or argued. The next night, my dream seemed kind of the same, except that it consisted of me singing softly to this boy, who seemed very frightened of something. The first dream made me feel wonderful while it happened, and bitter that it wasn't real, but this dream just frightened me. I never, ever had a repeat dream in my life. There were never two dreams on the same subject. Maybe my mind was in rerun season or something, but this very very different image in my mind was frightening to me. It was dark, and there was a feeling of foreboding that I couldn't quite grasp. Then, images began to put themselves in my mind during my waking hours. During Mass on Easter Sunday, images of the Holocaust began to just appear in my mind's eye, not the product of boredom or daydreaming, they were just suddenly there, and more vivid than I had ever seen them in any book. Images like a small boy holding his arms up in surrender in the street (which I had seen years before) and others... like sillouettes of Nazi stormtroopers and such. It wasn't limited to the holocaust, but that semed to be the main theme I guess I should say, that, and one of me walking alone on a beach at sunset. A large, semi-clean beach I'd never seen before (then again, who recognises a random beach on sight?) I'm not a person to believe in things like the paranormal ot past lives or any of that nonsense lightly, unless there is good solid proof. I've been begining to wonder though... do people realise it when they've gone insane, or do they just think that they see things more clearly than the rest of the world? Sometimes I've felt I'm the only sane person I know. I've written this all down because maybe, perhaps there is a very slight chance it might all mean something. After all, look at Joseph the dream interpreter in the Bible. Maybe I want a meaning because I'm just curious to justify the random sputterings of my mind. I don't know, maybe I just posted it from boredom (By the way, I didn't make any of it up) |
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