Re: You mean it's not as bad as I fear?
Submitted by Heather on February 09 1999 at 19:45:34
In reply to You mean it's not as bad as I fear? Submitted by F.O.D. on February 09 1999 at 18:30:26
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"What do you mean exactly by 'The choice isn't between being sexually active and being honest.' Do you mean I can be sexually active and honest about it at the same time?" Well, I wasn't addressing that question; it just sounded like you were saying in your last post that your two choices were: 1) Be sexually active and go against what you believe God wants you to do. 2) Be celibate and live the life of a lie. And I was suggesting that a lot of same-gender-attracted people are open about their sexual feelings without believing that obliges them to act on those feelings. In practical terms, the situation is different for boylovers and for same-age-attracted homosexuals. Most people in this day and age have gotten it hammered into their head that it's possible to be attracted to the same sex without acting on that attraction. Ninety-nine percent of the world hasn't figured out that the same is true of pedophiles. So, like everyone else on this board, I'd suggest that you be very cautious in selecting who you talk to about your boylove feelings. On the other hand, since you regard yourself as homosexual, I should think it would be possible for you to talk about that to others without having the people you know jump to the conclusion that you're sexually active. In conservative Christian circles, the phrase you might want to use is "ex-gay." Contrary to common belief, ex-gay doesn't necessarily mean someone whose sexual feelings has changed; it just means somebody who isn't living the "gay" life, i.e. isn't sexually active. That certainly describes you. Or you could simply say that you're a celibate homosexual (or celibate bisexual), and most people would understand what that means. I've forgotten how young your young friend is. If he's really young - near or under the age of puberty - I think his dad would only be worried if he holds to the stereotype that all homosexuals are pedophiles (as of course a lot of people do). If your young friend is a bit older, you might have a problem. I can't really judge how that would go, from this distance. I know you're still struggling with the question of whether to be sexually active; it might help if you talked to people who wouldn't feel immediately threatened by that idea, and then hold off on the others until you have a better idea of what you want. What you want to avoid is the scenario where you tell your young friend's dad, "I'm a celibate homosexual. . . . Well, I'm celibate at the moment. . . . I'm still thinking about it. . . . Mind if I take your son out to the park?" By the way, I know various gays and ex-gays who wouldn't scream at the idea of you trying to figure out which way to go; I'd be happy to put you in touch with some of them if you'd like. Heather |