b) ???
Submitted by F.O.D. on April 09 1999 at 10:51:25
In reply to Stumbling Block Submitted by Ben on April 07 1999 at 21:29:34
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Hi Ben, that is quite a serious topic, and one I don't I've got to the bottom of completely. I think there are a couple of different issues here. First of all I would say that most reasonable Christians, in my opinion, do not consider masturbation a problem at all in and of itself. Literary references: John White, "Eros Defiled" (probably worth reading); James Dobson, "Preparing for Adolescence". Certainly I have no problem admitting that I masturbate. It might become a problem if it's keeping you from leading a healthy social life, or if it becomes a lust thing (of which more below). I know for myself it's possible to have a good wank without thinking of someone else at all, but just enjoying the experience in it's own right. But I would be lying if I said I never think of my YF while wanking. But in and of itself I think masturbation is not morally wrong (I can recommend White's book for thinking more about it). So the second issue, then, is the fantasising that often, but not always (for me at least) accompanies masturbation. This is the question I haven't thought through completely. On the one hand, you're not actually having sex nor involving the other person at all (they need never know you think about them so intimately), and, as you have said before, the masturbation can be an outlet for your feelings so you don't explode and act out in real life. On the other hand, Jesus said (Matt 5:28) that if anyone looks at a woman lustfully, he is as guilty as if he had actually committed adultery with her. I think to understand this question better, it would be useful to gain a deeper understanding of what lust really is. Any ideas? I think, perhaps among other things, maybe it's when you want to "own" someone sexually, when that person can not belong to you. But then, aren't I being lustful when I think about E? For he is not "mine"! Or suppose I can fantasise that E will be "mine" in the proverbial "committed sexual relationship", so that part is not "lust", but what then when I fantasise about his brother Y? Surely I can't have a "committed relationship" with the two of them at the same time! I guess maybe a question we could ask is "Is my fantasising damaging my relationship with the boy?" In other words, I don't have all the answers. Maybe it means the proper thing for us to do is to train ourselves not to fantasise over YFs. But one thing is certain, the tension here does not mean we need to throw in our faith. Life with God is a journey, walk along, sometimes stumbling, getting up and keeping on going further. We don't understand all things fully today, and therefore we cannot do all things properly. But one day we will know. 1 Cor 13:12. Until then, we just keep striving forwards as well as we know how, forgetting what was behind. Phil 3:12-16 F.O.D. PS An anecdote. I once went to a meeting of the church my YFs' mother goes to. I have little respect for her church. Perhaps you'll see why. The preacher was saying how oral sex was wrong, even between married partners. But the reasoning! - because it keeps you from being able to speak in tongues. !! Seriously! I tried talking to my YFs' mum about it, how ridiculous I thought it was and hence why (amongst other things) I can't take her church seriously, and rather than address that comment she instead mumbled something about the evils of onanism. Onanism! Really! Meaning masturbation. So you see the ridiculous things Christians say sometimes get even ridiculouser. BTW after that effort was when I figured that there were certain things that must be lacking in E's education, so I had a talk with him over dinner when he was visiting me, about how there was such a thing as onanism and such a thing as masturbation, and the two were not the same, whatever his mother might say about the matter (the story of Onan in Gen 38:8-10 having nothing to do with masturbation). I suppose he must have appreciated the lesson, the next day he had a shower, and I later noticed the soap had got strangely curled into a ring shape... |