Going to try and hit at this from another angle.
People say, God does not fit into logic. I wholeheartedly disagree with that.
He's as common sense as it gets.
I mean, who, when they think about it can believe we randomly spawned here like in some video game, on a planet PERFECTLY placed in a galaxy, and not believe there is a God? Or how about that guy who rose from the dead?
I am not struggling with my faith in God, more or less my allegiance to Him because it's like there is this wall that i can't jump over to get all my questions answered. And I know technically, because I know God, and know what he has done, I'm safe in Heaven, this I know. But that's not enough for me, if I can't earn my way in there, I still want to have done something worthy of even a spec, or glimpse of recognition from God. That's why I have such a problem with this. Seriously. I don't get it and I hate it. Being this way makes me miserable. All the people that I've been sexually active with as a kid, the ones I still see every now in then, they're all normal, and want nothing to do with that kind of stuff, but here I am. Sure, maybe it's because I'm human, but I can't even begin to hardly, maybe even perceive how this is a part of some plan. I DO feel like I'm here to be God's punching bag, because nothing good has come from this.

Sure, I have a sixteen year old that I've liked for several years now, and we kinda like each other, but it is also perfectly played out in my life, where I cannot be with him, literally, like, there is NO WAY I could ever see him, only talk over the phone, and World of Warcraft. (no one freak, over 11 million people play this game) And im like, who's to blame for that? I'm not gonna lie, I've been trying to be naughty, I've tried to arrange sexual activity for months now, and it always fails. Okay, so SOMEONE doesn't want me to have sex anymore. THEN WHY, could it happen when I was ten, eleven?? TWELVE?? Why was it okay then?? This doesn't add up, and I just want something, I don't care what it is, a dream, a message, heck an ANGEL! I just want someone, something, to tell me that YES, I am supposed to be this way, and YES it's part of a plan.

(-_-)