I've often wondered about this. I have several friends who struggle with sex and alcohol. Well, I say struggle, but it doesn't seem like they are actually struggling... they seem apathetic. And these are friends who I grew up with in church, friends that I have personally seen broken before God, crying out to Him in worship. And yet, now, they don't seem the least bit phased by the things they are indulging in.

So I ask myself: Why is it that I can't do that? Why can't I just not care?

I can remember that "rock bottom" moment in my life. I remember what it felt like, and how it changed me.

I think the reason behind why I can't just be apathetic is because I know what it felt like to not know God. To be so distant from Him that I couldn't feel Him. I have seen the ways he has changed my life and specifically, the way I interact with boys. And to be apathetic would mean, for me, a return to the way I felt without Him.

It pains me to see friends struggling with such things as sex and alcohol. (And actually, I'll throw apathy in with the sex and alcohol also. I think apathy in itself is a struggle that a lot of christians in my generation struggle with.) Sometimes I think I have an unfair advantage over my same-aged (18) male friends. We have just entered college... sex and alcohol appeal is everywhere... and with no sense of authoritative presence it must be hard not to give in. But with these things I am not even tempted (I have no desire whatsoever to drink), thus the unfairness. But I do struggle with things, but my things just aren't very visible to others.

I feel like most of my friends will eventually be turned back around once they realize how their apathy has effected their lives. And once God convicts them. Or they will continue their happy apathetic lives just like their parents have before them and just like a lot of the christians here in my part of the world. And they will probably live a happy life with a happy family and everything will be just dandy. heh... if only that were true.

I for one am so grateful for my attraction to boys. Without it I am afraid I would probably just be an apathetic christian. I'm glad that I know I can't make it through this life ignoring God.

Sorry for getting off topic.