I don't know if this will mean anything to you since I live such a perfect life, like all boylovers do. But God knows better than you what is best for you and what you can handle. I've gone thru hard times when I didn't understand why God was allowing it, as you are. I mean I've gone thru them when I'm not living my usual perfect life. Some I still don't understand. But many of those hard times were for a reason I didn't see till later, sometimes much later. And sometimes I think hard times come just because it's a hard world we live in. It's our fault it's a hard world. God never intended for it to be.

My suggestion would be to tell God what you are telling us. Cry out to God. If you're mad, then tell Him you're mad. It's not like He doesn't already know anyway. Cry out to God. Tell Him what you're feeling. I've done it. People in the Bible have done it. You can do it too.

Dakota