Boys will not appreciate you more if you give them everything they want and cater to them to the degree you have been, they'll appreciate you less. Even if they are generally good hearted and not the type that normally will use a person, you are practically ASKING to be used. You are acting more like Santa Claus than a friend or mentor. So they eventually treat you like Santa, and only think about you every December 25th, or when they want something. This happens even in normal heterosexual relationships. When a guy caters to a girl's every whim, he ends up getting used and then tossed aside.

You seem to be really obsessed over boys. And there IS a difference between loving boys and obsessing over them. I've done both, and can tell you from experience that LOVING boys can be a truly joyous experience. But OBSESSING over boys only leads to pain. Sure, there may be good times, but the pain far outweighs any joy you get out of the relationship. Loving boys means you accept that you can only have limited contact with them, and (for their own good) not giving them everything they want. And loving means giving them their space when they need it. Believe me, I know it's not easy. But you have to remember that they will only be boys for a short time. You can only expect that certain joy a bler feels till they grow up. You may still love them, but it won't be the same. Many times when boys get older, they no longer desire much contact with you. They have other things in their lives. Take joy in the time you do have, and let them go when they try to distance themselves.

You really do need to expand your life a bit. Boys ARE wonderful, but you shouldn't let them be your entire world. You may find joy working with many boys, like as a youth volunteer at church. That way you can make a difference in many boys' lives, while hopefully not getting overly obsessed over one boy. If you do, I urge you to protect yourself by always having others around when you're with the boys. It's a very paranoid world we live in, and it's always a good idea to avoid even the hint of impropriety, and also to stay far away from any undue temptation. But if you're getting so emotionally tied to boys that your very life might hang in the balance, I think you may need to see a professional. You can't do boys or God any good if you're dead.

Dakota