Re: common threads?
Submitted by Splash! on September 01 2000 04:25:27
In reply to common threads? submitted by Derek on September 01 2000 00:24:15
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Commonalities -- I think there are many, though the specifics seem to change a bit. Some boylovers are gay, with attractions to boys as well as men, whereas other boylovers are much closer to being heterosexual, with interests in woman (not girls) as well as boys (not men). And then there's a whole mixture of other types, also. There also seem to be similarities among boylovers' childhoods. I see that many boylovers lacked the presence of a strong male role model in their lives and/or they experienced a rough childhood through abuse or other lack of love shown toward them. As far as sports go, I haven't seen this discussed as much regarding boylovers or gay men. I enjoy watching sports, and played a lot of sports in my neighborhood growing up. However, I didn't play in sports at school. I had considered it a couple times, but felt that I would be seen as inferior to the others no matter how good I played. There was something about the way that I viewed other boys that made me feel inferior to them or not as good as them when playing sports at school, even in gym class. Not so much around my regular friends though. One of my fears in junior high was that I hadn't learned how to control my sexual arousal around some other boys in my gym class and I was afraid I'd be found out. That may have scared me away from school sports also. One boy in my class had been made fun of for weeks after the other kids saw him get aroused when wrestling. I called in sick a lot during the time they taught wrestling in phys ed. I just couldn't see how I'd be able to handle having other boys touch me when we were all wearing nothing much more than underwear. It's funny, the more I write the more I remember. Writing things out is good therapy -- it helps us understand ourselves better. Derek, you had asked about my feelings toward other boys in certain age groups. As I said, I am mainly attracted to the 12-14 year old age group. That was the time when I first had sexual feelings about boys, and the feelings never stopped. My sexual feelings for boys over 14 drops drastically the older they get. I, myself, would never want a sexual relationship with a male my age or older. To me, that is sick. So in that way, I'm not gay, but when I was 12-14 years old I did fantasize about sexual relationships with other boys my age, 12-14. I would have liked to have had fun with certain boys (not all). But now that I'm twice that age, I can't see myself having a sexual relationship with 12-14 year olds -- it just doesn't click in my mind, I guess because it doesn't seem right. But I do fantasize about their bodies, about them with other boys and girls their age, and I sometimes picture myself in the place of one of their friends of that same age -- but I never picture myself as a man with a boy, never. Maybe in this way I'm different than a majority of boylovers? I don't know. My attraction for women also seems to make me different than a lot of boylovers. And for these reasons, I think there are more foundational (for lack of a better word) reasons why one becomes a boylover. I just thought of something else. When I was younger (12 yrs), there were a couple times that I pictured myself as a boy having a sexual relationship with a man (any man). I even had rape fantasies, and thought it would be cool to be raped if the man was nice to me. I didn't want to do anything to him, but I wanted him to do something to me. Strange, huh? Anyone else? Perhaps this has something to do with the way I viewed sex and love and how my father never expressed his love toward me. Are there any studies on these types of things? I'll have to look into it. As far as my feelings for boys younger than 12... I find many 10-11 year old boys to be very beautiful; however, it is hard for me to picture them in sexual terms -- maybe because I picture their body as not being complete yet -- under-developed. I view boys younger than 10 only in terms of "cuteness". I admire their faces and their little cute backsides, but nothing more than that. It's hard for me to believe that men view these younger boys as being sexual, but I do not know what the root cause is of one becoming a boylover and acquiring a particular AOA (age of attraction) range -- so I'm understanding, at least. And as far as my feelings for boys aged 15-18, I think it's psychological that I don't view them as sexual. At this age they are pretty much grown up and independent of seeking love from an adult. At this point, most boys are looking for relationships with girls. Also, they don't look as cute and innocent anymore. They're starting to grow hair, their faces are getting rough and blemished, their voices are getting deeper, their bodies are getting stronger. I seem to be more attracted by the innocence of boys more than anything, with sexual attraction for only that range of boys that are both innocent and sexual, 12-14 years old. I even notice this when watching movies or tv shows with boys under 18. I find a show a lot more enjoyable if the boys are around the ages of 12-14 years old -- the show seems more real to me, like I can relate to it. Maybe my brain is stuck in some kind of timewarp? In daily life, I act very adult and get along well with all kinds of people, but maybe inside myself I'm still a boy? I often feel that way -- maybe that's the core part of me? It'd be cool if there were some way to poll at least 100 boylovers and get some kind of percentages to find out what are the general commonalities and what are the specific differences among boylovers. I'm pretty much convinced that being a boylover is not something we were born to be, but instead that it is something that came about because of something that happened as a result of our childhood (if not because of a specific event in our childhood). ~Splash* |
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