A public letter
Submitted by Heather on November 26 2000 12:32:16
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The Last Sunday of Pentecost Dear —, Miss Manners was once asked whether it was proper to publish a notice of a certain important decision that had been made in a person's life. She replied that, while was understandable that her correspondent would be glad that a decision had finally been reached, and while it was natural that the correspondent would wish to share her joy with the world, it really was not in the best taste to publish a public notice of a divorce. As you know, I'm facing a similar dilemma – symbolically speaking, of course. My marriage to Doug remains intact. Yet in many ways, my probelm is deeper than if I were divorcing Doug – I and this other "partner" have been together for over ten years, and we're a much more publicly recognized "couple" than my husband and I are. Some sort of public announcement seems necessary. Yet I'm dreading the consequences of such an announcement. Some people, who consider this "marriage" a good one, are bound to feel hurt – I've already received expressions of disappointment from some of the friends I've told. Others, who thought all along that my partner was a cad and that I should never have married him, may make pointed remarks along the lines of, "I told you so." Yet I'm not leaving my partner because of his character flaws (which everyone has); I'm leaving him because we simply turned out not be the right persons for each other. (At least, that is how it seems to me at this time. Heaven knows whether I'll feel the same way in twenty years' time.) And then of course there are the others – the vast majority – who couldn't care less whether I'm married or divorced, and who may regard any announcement from me as an exercise in egotism. The temptation to remain silent is great. Yet I increasingly feel that not making an announcement would be deceptive. Just this month, a couple of people came up to me and said, "As someone who's married to X, what do you think of —?" Of course they didn't realize that X and I have been separated for two years, and that the divorce papers recently came through. So I'm left with the dilemma of how to make a tasteful, unobtrusive, nondestructive announcement. Any suggestions would be welcome. Love, Heather P.S. In case I'm being totally obscure, the "divorce" I'm referring to is my departure from the Christian Church.
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