For Brother J
Submitted by Chris on December 3 2001 15:47:34
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Dear J, I hope I can do this because I decided to reply ro your posts and replies to me by just starting a new post. I did reply briefly to one of them, however, if you want to look. Anyway, from what you have told me I can see that indeed, your depression has been a long, ongoing, and very difficult struggle. And it has been that way for me as well. But I can also see that you have an inner struggle with your sexual feelings with boys that is probably adding a LOT of fuel to your depressive "fire", if you will. And I believe this is probably what shocked you when I said that I am joyful in my celibacy in a different post. I will try to explain what I mean by this because I believe it holds a key to beating a problem like depression. It is not an easy thing to have something within one's self that is so terribly damned by society, and yet, so strongly part of your thought life and emotional state such as a sexual oriantaion that is not only seen as abnormal but even dangerous to society. It is no wonder that depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, and the like, are so common among us. I myself am, among other things, a recovering alcoholic. J, it has taken me a long time to come to terms with my sexuality, as I am sure is the same with all of us. And, unfortunately, some of us, perhaps many of us, never do. But I believe that the current medical and psycological opinions which are comfortable to society are probably the most dammaging to us. The opinion that what we have is a mental illness, the opinion that we MUST change in order to live a happy and productive life, the opinion that our sexual desires are uncontrollable and that, sooner or latter, we will act upon them. These opinions are pretty typical in society as a whole and, as I have personally found, among members of the professional medical and psycological community, unfortunately. It is no wonder, then, that I really shocked more than one shrink by telling them that I am comfortable in my oriention! And moreso when I told them I did not believe that changing it was possable or even nessisary. We must be as comfortable with our orientation as our heterosexual counterparts. However, we must also be comfortable with the fact that we cannot act upon it in the society in which we live. In other words, for many of us that means being celibate. I believe I have achieved this, in fact, I know I have. Sex is only one part of our make-up, albeit a strong one. Another great wrong of our society is that sex is literally pushed on people from every possable angle, and literally everywhere they look. Television, newspapers, magazenes, movies...the list is probably endless. Just try to go somewhere without being literally bombarded with sexual imagery or talk. And what is the underlying message that we have been force-fed since early childhood? It is the message (lie) that we simply MUST have sex, be completely sexual "animals", in order to live. Just to live! I believe this underlying message is so strong in our culture I won't even tack "happily" on the end of "live". My friend, it is this cultural phenominon that is probably responsable for much of our own woes! I am certain of that. I cannot write much more but I will be back, probably on wednsday. I have some more to write but my on-line time is limmited. I hope I am being of some help. Believe me, the light at the end of the tunnel is our beloved Father...and He isn't riding a train...at least not one that will hurt us. I am keeping you in my prayers, brother! Love in Jesus Christ, Chris |
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