OK, here's why
Submitted by Dakota on March 24 2002 16:45:30
In reply to OK why the title boylovers? submitted by sally on March 24 2002 12:43:20
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You said..... "Why call yourselves boylovers? What are you trying to convey? That you love boys? Well that can't be." It not only CAN be but IS. It is a documented fact that most pedophiles have a sincere love for boys, not just a sexual attraction. Some pedophiles' lusts might make him trick himself into believing that sexual contact is a way to show how much he loves the boy, which is wrong. But that doesn't mean the love isn't there. For myself, and most other non-offending pedophiles, the main reason I deny myself being sexual with a boy is because I love them too much to risk hurting them. I have other reasons, such as religious and legal, but it's the love that keeps my desires in check. It is my personal theory that God has given some men a deeper than normal Agape love for all boys (not just their sons) and the sexual side is Satan's way of trying to pervert it. I have no scripture to back up that theory, it's just something I've pondered over the years. Just like you, I know the difference between lust and love. And if the love wasn't there, I'd be one of those guys you read about in the news. As far as the name "boylover," I didn't start it. But since the media constantly uses the terms "pedophile" and "child molester" as if they mean the same thing, a different word seems to be needed. Boylover fits the bill. I can't speak for everyone, but I think it's meant to convey the idea of someone who has both a deep innocent love for boys and also a sexual attraction. Yes, it's possible to have both. How do I know? Because I have both. "Now what would you think of me if I started a club and I made a symbol and I called myself a manlover?" If it helps you deal with your situation, go for it. First you said... "If I desire a man beside my husband [I assume you meant BESIDES, or else we're dealing with a whole different subject here ;-)] that is sin. It is not being faithful to him." But later you said... "If I ever have any attraction to any other man that relationship ends quickly." So you are acknowledging that you do have desires, like everyone else, but resist the temptation. That's all we are doing also. I once heard temptation described like this. To have a sinful thought is not sinful in and of itself, since even Jesus was tempted. But if to invite that thought to come in for tea and cakes (ie, dwell on it) then it becomes sinful. I'm afraid you think we are all here just to have tea and cakes with our sinful thoughts, and that isn't true. But those thoughts are still knocking on our door and it helps to deal with it in the fellowship of others who have similar trials. "How are you dumping it [thoughts of desire] when you come on this web site and affirm it?" I think you are mistaking dealing with it with affirming it. "And how are you dumping it when you retain the right to love boys as long as you don't have sex with them?" I can't believe you are arguing against love. Perhaps you mean erotic love, which is not the kind of love that is promoted here. You seem to be stuck with the preconception that if we have a sexual attraction to someone, we can't also have Agape love for them. That isn't true. And I honestly don't think God would want us to dump Agape love just because it might be....uhh....inconvenient since there is a sexual element present also. Another misconception I think you have is that we are all looking for boys to mentor, and that is one of the purposes of this board. I see nothing wrong with having a YF (young friend) and being a mentor to him, but I have not had a YF in my life for many years. But I still need to interact with others that are like me. Trying to deal with pedophilia in isolation is very difficult and quite depressing. It helps to have people who understand. I also noticed that a big theme in your post was avoiding temptation. Yes, the Bible says to flee temptation. But it's impossible to never be tempted. To become so isolated that you hardly ever become tempted is to become useless to God. He called us to be the salt of the Earth, not hermits. Each person deals with temptation is his or her own way, and each individual must decide how much temptation can be handled and when the time comes to flee. I have always believed in the truth of a quote I heard when I was a kid. I don't know the author. "A ship in the harbor is safe. But that's not what ships were built for." Dakota |
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