Jesus loves homosexual me
Submitted by TBL on 2002-12-1 12:55:17, Sunday
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As a child I learned much in Sunday School. My lessons included that for every good deed I do on earth; I earn a gold brick in my mansion in the sky. The things that they taught me that I hold dearest is that Jesus loves me and died for my sins, judge not least ye be judged, Psalms 23, and that God made me in his image. Obviously not his physical image as we all look different but that my soul mirrors the goodness of God and that therefore I am accountable for my actions. My fundamentalist church taught me stuff I now reject. Things like all Catholics are going to die if they don’t repent and become Protestants. One very goodly and devout family member taught me that it was against God wishes and the Bible for my four-year-old niece to wear a two-piece swimsuit. She also told my sister-in-law to stand behind my brother even though he was living away from home in an adulterous relationship with another woman. This woman and others taught me that God was a vindictive and petty God. I could even go to Hell if I ate too much or should I ever drink a drop of alcohol. I fretted for Jesus’ soul as his first miracle was converting water to wine but I was told that wine lacked alcohol. Of course they taught me that homosexuals would deservedly inherit the Kingdom of Hell. I tried to suppress my homosexual desires but I couldn’t. Even though I slept with men on Saturdays, I attended church on Sundays. Eventually I accepted that I could not renounce my homosexuality so I stopped attending church though I believed in God. I thought my attending Church was an affront to God. As a young man, two strangers abducted me at gunpoint and during that night it became apparent that they were going to kill me. For the first time in a long time I prayed to God. Knowing that my homosexuality was unforgivable, I didn’t ask for forgiveness. Instead I asked for my death to be swift and that my body be found right away. I did not want my family to have to identify a rotted corpse. Just a moment before they were to pull the trigger, a policeman came onto the scene. I believe someone who saw the car as it drove into the field altered him. The two men fled as the cop rushed his car over to save me. As he opened his car door, I swear his face was the haloed face of Jesus. Perhaps the car’s interior lights and my mind played tricks on me. The next day I walked to my church, hoping it was open so I could properly pray my thanks. Unfortunately it was locked but I prayed on the steps for hours. It was so good to know God loved me and found no sin in my sexuality for he saved me and asked nothing in return. If my homosexuality were a sin I surely would have died. It was my praying to God that saved my life. I did not have to renounce my sexuality as so many goodly and righteous Bible believers had preached over the years. From that day, I unquestionably believe in God and I pray to him in my own fashion. I don’t attend church even though I tried to find one I felt comfortable attending. I know God has no trouble with my loving whoever I choose. It is strictly a problem for those who perverted God’s love into hate. Last year I again attended my fundamentalist church. After so many years I was happy to see it again. The sermon that day was “Not Gay Anymore.” It was about a man who became a homosexual because he was seduced at aged 16 by his high school coach. The man attended the same high school as I did, and I even knew him and his family. We were about the same age; he could have been as much as a year older. The two of us were friends. I knew he was a homosexual back then. My mind is foggy as to how. I lost touch with him because when I was fourteen, my family moved to another state. So when the preacher proclaimed that the man became a homosexual at aged 16 simply because the coach seduced him, I knew I was being preached a lie. I lost contact with him by the time he was 15. Since then I feel God has given me two messages. The night I found out my mother had cancer I prayed and asked was she going to die. In the night, the day and month she would die came to. I wrote it down. Fourteen months later she died as I had dreamed. Just before she dies, I dreamed the exact circumstances of how I would learn she dies. I believe God was preparing me and telling me that she was going to be with him. If my homosexuality was a problem, God never mentioned it. People like NARTh can claim all they want. They only seek means to justify their hate. I have only a limited time on earth. I would rather fill it with love and acceptance, if a man loves a woman or vice versa, and even though I find that perverted, I don’t think they are going to hell. |
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