Re: I'm sorry to hear this
Submitted by Genghis on 2003-03-11 02:26:11, Tuesday
In reply to Re: I'm sorry to hear this submitted by PoliteGuest on 2003-03-10 23:15:57, Monday
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Dear PoliteGuest, Thank you very much for your message. Yes, what Dakota said really hit the point. Yesterday night, B's parents invited my three roommates to their home for dinner and to talk. Today I got to speak with B's mom for about an hour on the phone. My roommates related to me everything they discussed yesterday night. As parents of B, they feel the need to separate us completely to make sure nothing happened to their son. As hard as it is, I understand why they want to do that. I realize that, though my intentions were good, I did not reveal my BL orientation to them and now that they know about it, they have every reason to feel deceived. That is one reason why they don't feel comfortable about me seeing B at all, even with someone else present. If I had been honest and up front in the beginning, one of two things would have happened: I might have been "rejected" by them, or they might have welcomed me with open arms as the parents of your 5-year-old YF have done to you. As I am slowly learning, honesty might have probably been the better choice. Even though many Christian BL's here would argue that, with the world being so cautious and paranoid today, being honest would almost never get you a YF, the "success" stories of you and Dakota are encouraging! If I had been honest with B's parents at first, the disaster scenario would have been to be cut off from B totally, but the good one is that we would have developed a completely trusting friendship. It might have been less close, because the parents would have enacted "safeguards", but it would have been one built on total honesty. I sort of wish that was what had happened. The second reason why they do not want me to see B is that they think it would hinder my "changing". I'm trying to convert back to being "normal". My friends, even those who betrayed me, feel there's no problem for me to continue serving in church youth ministries and remaining friends with B, so long as I'm really serious about changing. All they're really concerned about is not having me spend the night at B's anymore. Sadly B's parents are more extreme, but maybe it's because they are very emotionally stressed right now. But as parents they have the final word. I love B very, very, very much. It's so hard to think that I might never see him again, but if I'm trying to change I ought to put my focus in the Lord and not worry on and on about B. I asked his mom to tell B I am very sorry for everything. I wish it hadn't turned out this way. I hope he'll be able to forgive me! Yesterday night I had a dream about his mom, she was waving me to stop on a highway offramp. She was standing by the side of the road. I woke up, and thoughts of B and his family rushed into my mind. I knew I'd "lost" B. I cried myself back to sleep. Now I've nothing but to put faith and hope into the Lord to guide me. He'll lead me to victory out of this "mess"! One of my friends said that though all this is very, very sad, God may have done it to give me the kick in the b**t I needed. B's mom said that to change, sometimes friendships have to be severed completely, as hard as it may be. I don't agree with her whatsoever (how can cutting off B and my close friendship help!??), but whatever. Whatever happens now, trusting Jesus will help me get through this. He has a bigger plan in store for me. Lord I love you. God bless you all, Genghis |
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