lust & weeds/vegetables
Submitted by Ray on March 15 1999 at 10:16:23
In reply to Re: Boys you know Submitted by Andy on March 15 1999 at 01:13:15
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Andy, You wrote: I like to compare our fantasizing and dwelling on lustful acts like weeds in a garden. We may feel that an occasional lustful thought or fantasy can do no harm, like a weed or two in an otherwise flourishing garden. We may think, "One or two small weeds can't possibly do any harm. Just look at the fine vegetables I have growing. Sorry if this may confuse the issue, but I happen to think of the lustful thoughts as the vegetables, or something like that! Several things. First, F.O.D. and I had a discussion about sex, desire, & lust as positive human traits about the beginning of January (see the link below). I think that to think of them as weeds is to discount part of God's good creation. That is, we, who are created having the image of God within, have been created with capacities for sex, desire, and lust. I think we need to spend more time as individuals and societies in learning how to use those capacities for relating to others as best we are able and less time squelching them because we consider them sinful and harmful. "Fixing" the breaking of relationships and harm to individuals associated with sex, desire, and lust is to me much like the gardner taking care of the vegetables. Its OK to plant pole beans in the sweet corn, but carrots, tomatoes and cucumbers don't do as well there as where they can get more sun and nutrients. There are ways of thinking about relationships and skills in relating that can be learned which minimize the breaking and the harm. Forgiveness and love (the consideration of self and other "Christian" variety) also help smooth the rough spots. But IMHO nothing can eliminate the breaking and harm entirely. So far in the discussion of lust and masturbation, there has been next to no talk of really relating to the person. I think that finding people to relate to and maybe expanding the type of relationships is a direction to go. I mentioned in another thread that for most of my early adult life I "worked" with and related to older women in congregations in which I was associated. They for me were "safe," friendly interactions and at the time satisfying. Just thinking back to a Pflag meeting I attended yesterday, I related to several older, more mature women there. I had a sense of fulfillment in areas of contribution, belonging and competency. I've been flirting with a clerk in the grocery store for probably several months, and there seems to be some sexual energy in the exchanges. Early on there were several times when I caught him looking at me when I was looking at him. The first couple times after that when I went through his checkout line we both got flustered while he was trying to ring up and I pay for the few items I had. President's day weekend (3 weeks ago) he mentioned having a 4 day weekend from school, and has added several bits and pieces of information since. Is it just my wishful thinking, or do the two of us really have more pleasant conversation and does his face light up more when we talk than when he talks with other customers!!!! Am I being too obvious like Saturday evening when I was standing in his checkout line and the clerk next to him said come on over she had no line. After hesitating a bit I went over to that clerk to get checked out, and the clerk mentioned something about me waiting to go through his line. I said to her, while waving at the other guy, "If I wanted to say 'Hi' to him I could do it from across the aisle," and I think he was a bit stunned. But nothing more was said. About 2 hours later I went back to the store for a pint of milk to drink and went through his line and he mentioned with the big smile again the possibility of snow and no school on Monday (today). So where does lust, sex and desire fit into human relating? How is he to understand his hormones and feelings? I've got 35 more years experience than he and I'm still learning!!!! I think someone one this board mentioned at one time they were sort of angry at the priests in their Cath olic parish because they were never molested! How and what have we learned about putting to use our God-given good human capacity for lust, sex and desire? I was 39 before I was aware of being gay, though a report in my file at a psychiatric institution from 21 years earlier mentioned homoerotic tendencies. I think society has to change more than I do! What would happen if there were more Christian freedom to be and become!!!! And what if there were available more accurate information and more positive examples of the variety of possibilities of relating! So, Andy, have you ever gotten to a point in gardening where you don't have to worry about weeds, and can think about how your vegetables might be bigger and more plentiful if you make some changes in how you plant, fertilize and water the vegetables themselves! Ray |