Hello - Any Advice for a Husband? (Long Message)
Submitted by Pat on March 19 1999 at 13:16:12
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Hi everyone. I've just discovered that this site exists I've been married for three and a half years to my husband Pat. (Yes, we're "The Pats" to friends Now, however, I think that I've come to terms with it. In fact, it's about the only interest we don't share in common. But while I'm accepting of it, or at least fooling myself that I am?, he's still very down on himself. In fact, he has bouts of depression over it that I can't seem to help him out of. (Driving my mother-hen side crazy.) He voluntarily(?) deleted all of the pictures from his hard drive over a year ago, but I've tried to be supportive as much as I can. I've tried to encourage him getting (and buying as gifts/surprises) legal substitutes: Insider Video Club videos, Shota yaoi Japanese manga, etc. We even occasionally make love to these naturist videos while I'll role-play that he's my boy! (That may be more than you needed to know, but I'm *really* trying to make an effort.) Part of the problem, and the reason that I'm posting here specifically, is that Pat and I are both "quasi"-Catholic. He was a very devout CCD youth instructor before he came out at 19, while I did the 12 years of Catholic school/altar boy bit. Needless to say, although neither one of us are as devout as we once were, we've both got more than our share of guilt hard-wired into our heads. Pat's still carrying more of these negative beliefs around that I am (I think anyway), and between Catholic dogma and the social climate, he's beginning to lose his belief in God. So I guess my questions are: 1) How do I help him to feel better about himself? 2) How do I pry him out of his closet so that he will talk to good people like you and get the support that I can't give him as a non-boylover? 3) How do I make it clear, as an agnostic, that I don't disapprove of his faith. That it's society, and not God, that judges him so harshly. And that I love him *with* his faith, and don't want him to lose it? But that I'll love him just as much regardless? He's helped me out of my (Mississippi, military brat, Catholic inspired)queer closet, and I'd dearly love to return the favor as much as I can! Thanks in advance, and God(?) bless, Pat :-) |