Be Careful What You Ask For
Submitted by Ben on January 4 2002 07:07:10
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Hello All, I'm sorry to keep on with this topic, but it is becoming urgent in my life and this is the only place where I can go to really get an objective opinion from those who know the whole story. My girlfriend, not to mention the brothers around me in church (good friends who I love and trust) are all starting to push for marriage. I have prayed and fasted for two years, asking God for a 'normal life' where I could have a wife and a family, and could be like other people. Well, here it is, sitting right before me and I'm terrified of pushing forward. My girlfriend is attractive (for a woman...), deeply spiritual and committed to God, strong and courageous, artistic, musical and well educated. She is everything that I ever wanted. Her son is beautiful and he loves me, and he can be my son for the rest of his life. This is the perfect life before me, yet I'm holding onto my 'old life', afraid that I wont find her attractive enough and that I would stray in my desire for young boys. I am not even sure if I could perform sexually. I tried it once in college and I was not successful in even being aroused. Nothing except boys captures my heart. What happens if, on my wedding day, I can't show her any interest? But here is the chance, and I doubt that God would give me a greater chance than this one. I don't want to hurt her, and certainly not her son. I just want to be a great husband and dad, to use the talents that God has given me with children, to raise great spiritual children in a warm and loving home. If I don't take this chance, I will never have another one. Please help if you can. I need resources. I need to know if this has been done before by BLs with success. You are not alone. Love, Ben |
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