a new insight into boylove (reply to tigris)
Submitted by Splash! on January 28 2002 15:42:26
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I'm creating a new thread for this post because I thought it was very important, and I didn't want anyone missing it. I'm quoting and replying to an earlier post made by tigris. I am in my late 20's. I didn't start masturbating until I was 25 years old. It was never a temptation before then; it never really even crossed my mind to do it. I wonder... do you remember having sexual thoughts and feelings at an earlier age? What about? And what did you do with these thoughts and feelings? Did you at least think on them for awhile? Imagine things? In fact, it wasn't until then that my boylove urges increased drastically. Until then I really enjoyed working with boys, but I wasn't really attracted to them. When you say you "really enjoyed working with boys," in what ways? I mean, how did you experience this "enjoyment"? Just made you feel better than working with adults or ? Did you like being around boys more than girls and adults? Why do you think? It all changed when I started getting the internet in my home. I still remember the night that I gave in to the temptation to look for pictures. I found some of adult males. That was a rush, and I kept going back for more. Gradually I started finding younger people until I found pictures of nude boys. Here you say that you were attracted to adult males. Why do you think? I remember being attracted to some of the men in my father's girlie magazines, but until the Internet came along I really didn't see many nude men (besides in the movies every once in awhile). The adult gay sites were very easy to find, and I was "turned on" very easily by many of the pictures. But when I came across boy sites, I became even more turned on. And then, after while, I was no longer interested in pictures of adult men -- I guess because I finally found what I was looking for when I found pictures of boys, and I'm not talking child pornography -- I enjoy looking at all types of pictures of boys (fashion, sports, family pics, etc). Masturbation soon followed, as well as the BL. It's like I opened Pandora's Box, and now I can't close it. If I could go back and do it again, I would [close it]. I wouldn't have gave in that night. It's all been downhill since then. Do you think if we stopped entertaining thoughts of boys we could somehow go back to a time when it wasn't so much of an obsession for us? In Ted Bundy's last interview, he talked about a similar obsession with women. He said it started with pornography, and then he went out into public to watch women, and then he started fantasizing about what he'd do with some of these women, and then he eventually kidnapped, raped, and killed women. Supposedly, he gave his heart to Jesus right before his execution. I've heard a lot of talk about growing sexual addiction/obsession, and I wonder how much is true of us? Maybe at some point in our lives we felt the need to keep taking our sexual desires one step further, and now here we are? I'm not sure how true it is of me. I can remember being sexually attracted to boys my age when I was in pre-school. I never seemed to grow out of being attracted to young boys. It is in this sense that I wonder if I am different from some of you. My BL has not been something that has been present all of my life. I wasn't attracted to girls though either. Maybe I just awakened what was there all along. Who knows? I sometimes take a step back and think, "how did I get here? Am I going to stay here? Is there any way out????" I think your development into a BL says a lot about the rest of us and how we got to where we are. I'm interested in exploring this further. I often wonder if I could quit cold-turkey (stop thinking about boys, visiting Internet sites, watching kids television/movies) that I would somehow be "cured" of this lustful side of BL. I still think BL has its good side -- just look at the positive impact that so many of us have on boys' lives without letting our flesh interfere. I'm interested in hearing more from you, tigris. You've already given me a new insight into BL. It'd be good to hear what others have to say also. Splash |
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