say a little prayer for me
Submitted by F.O.D. on February 09 1999 at 15:54:47
|
Hi guys, I want to ask for a touch of support, cause in the last couple of days I've been hit by a wave of despondancy, coming from thinking about the homosexuality morality question (which I have no definite conclusion on). Questions like these: In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. I start to fear this verse is really as black and white as it appears at first glance. What if Paul really does mean homosexuality acts are themselves indecent, rather than meaning the acting in lust or the acting with no recognition of God? Or she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man. What if the point of God making the woman is that he actually intends us to have sexual intimacy only with a woman, never with just another person (a male)? I don't want to be telling God how he wants us to behave. I'll tell you what's really bugging me. It's the thought that if I do accept my homosexuality as OK, that'll inevitably end in the complete separation of all I hold dear - all my church friends, my parents, my brothers. All those who know what a good friend I've been for the boys, their parents and others at church, how could I look them in the eye and say "well, actually, I'm gay, and I think God is cool with that" ? And what kind of really upset me, in a strange way was this. I rang a YF (15yo, not my closest YF but one I've mentioned in passing) the other day (his voice is so deep now - you should hear it!). I'm not good at telephone conversations. I asked him if he had a girlfriend yet. I felt really stupid about asking him that afterwards. I hate it when people ask me that, and yet I still ask it of others. I guess I wanted to know in what ways he was growing up and maturing. And he said, yeah, he does, and told me her name and a bit about her. And, I mean, I'm really happy for him and happy he's growing up enough to get interested in girls. But I felt that it alienated me so much, in the sense that I could never feel I could be completely honest with him and his family (I love them all) about the real wrestles I've been having with God, over the homosexuality question. It's like, I feel I can't ultimately seek support from those who already know me and love me. And maybe I'm doing wrong to try and see homosexuality in a favourable light. Next thing that'll happen, my closest YF E will tell me he's in love with some girl and wants to spend the summer with her instead of with me. I guess the only thing that'll remain then is to go and find some girl myself and try and fall in love with her. F.O.D. |