Re: A rock and a hard place...
Submitted by Ben on May 07 1999 at 20:58:33
In reply to A rock and a hard place... Submitted by tks on May 07 1999 at 00:50:43
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tks - Thanks once again for your kind and compassionate thoughts. As it so happens my faith has actually been more influenced by reading the bible on my own, by books such as "Evidence with Demands a Verdict", by web sites on christianity (such as gospelcom.net), and by other people in the church than by the father of the twins. The dad travels a bit during the week and so he has had less chance to influence my faith than some of these other sources. He, his kids, and his family have been a carrot of sorts, and a support group more than anything else for me. Certainly it is more fun to go to church if the twins are coming, but I have no trouble (and this is already proven) wanting to go with or without them. There is no question that the bible has had a profound influence on how I think and who I am. There are days now where I don't know myself anymore. I see a different person. This is kind of scary for me, but I have to consider two things: What got me there and what is that new person like: What got me there is not scare tactics. The issue of salvation and damnation has not been mentioned in the twins home since I've been there. What has been mentioned is living one's life for God and the incredible grace of God through Jesus. It is never mentioned among the boys, btw. The only time that I have heard them pray is before meals though they are reading some books about Jesus on their own (in between the comics and the sports page :-) What got me there is a wholehearted desire to turn to God and to stop trying to control my own life. I want to turn my life over to God and to do his will (not the churches....his). The new person does not visit any boysites on the web (other than this one). Instead of spending everynight searching for legal boypics and masterbating I spend my nights reading, watching movies or being with people I like. The new person has a new desire to help other people, to put less stock in money and objects and more stock in making others feel good. This has made ME feel good. The new person no longer feels like the unmarried oddball, nor does he try to befriend anyone who has a cute son just so he MIGHT get invited to dinner. The new person does not hang out at the local pool, just to get a glimpse of a cute shirtless boy. The new person does not feel useless, does not feel lost, is not tortured by loneliness and meaninglessness. The more I hear the more I believe that Christianity must be a choice. Because those who grew up Christian have bad things to say about it many times. But those who, like me, have made a choice, can't see life any other way. More comments welcome! You are not alone. 
Ben |