A rock and a hard place...
Submitted by tks on May 07 1999 at 00:50:43
In reply to Change and Jesus Submitted by Ben on May 06 1999 at 20:21:43
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Hi Ben, Whatever you do, I hope it's the right thing for you. I believe that it might not be the right thing for someone else though. I must say that even sitting on the sidelines here, I can relate to the powerful feelings and urges you must be experiencing. What I do find MOST fascinating, is not your commitment to GOD, but rather to your gradual "conversion" to Jesus Christ. I have a great Love and respect for the teachings of Jesus ... However, even in the Christian demoninations, there are many, many interpretations of the word of GOD, so to speak. I wonder how much influence the Christian Teachings are having on your psyche and how much this particular "fundamental" Christain family and their church is having on your faculties of reason? In other words, is it the Christianity factor or the particular environment and boys which is drawing you into the fold? I would think very carefully about who you entrust to enterpret the final "word" of GOD, even if they are well meaning and loving Christians. I was brought up in a very christian home and it certainly didn't scare me into salvation with threats of eternal damnation or alienation from God. I sometimes wonder which Christian denomination is closest to the real thing. Can they all be right? I wont even get into the dark history of the Church and the terrible things they have done, in the name of God. I only hope you have the personal strength and independence to keep an objective point of view. I believe that the focus should be on Love and the celebration of Life rather than the "sins" and imperfections of mankind. I doubt that you or I will ever measure up to the standards of Christian perfection, nor does anyone if they're honest with themselves and others. Perhaps you need time to adjust your "habitual practices" rather than feeling down, for not measuring up to other peoples hertosexual ways. It would be a miracle indeed, to change that one thing, which gives no greater love and Joy, to be in the company and to fantasize being intimate with a Boy. Is it possible, at this stage, to reflect on your journey.... without undue pressure or threat of loss of your friends? I'm afraid this wont be what you most want to hear. I believe in the individuals right to the freedom of thought and self determination. I hope you still have that choice. For the Love of God tks |