Re: I hope you can help
Submitted by Splash! on January 24 2001 13:59:08
In reply to I hope you can help submitted by John Doe on January 24 2001 10:03:40
|
I was in a similar situation... I had a girlfriend who I had planned to marry -- we had talked about marriage several times. She had children from a previous marriage, including one boy who I had known for a long time and who I found very attractive. Over time my girlfriend did express her concerns now and then about me showing her son more affection than I was showing her. And, as a boylover, I was always afraid that I'd be found out -- that she'd find this deep dark secret that I've kept hidden from everyone for my whole life. But another part of me kind of wanted her to find out. I felt I was cheating her by not being as passionate with her as I should have been and by wanting to spend more time with her son. Also, as a Christian, I felt my motives were all out of whack. I needed someone to talk to, to understand me, to help me. Sometimes I wanted to tell her. She was a Christian too, and I felt that she might have been that person I could open up to. She had already told me one of her deep dark secrets (that she had an affair with a teenager in the middle of her marriage), so I felt that I could probably be open with her about my secrets. Plus, wouldn't it show her how much I loved her if I revealed something about myself that I'd never shared with anyone else? So, all in all, I wasn't too concerned if she ever found me out, or if she just asked me point-blank, "Are you a pedophile?" or something like that. I'm not sure how this helps you... but, I think I'd try to take advantage of this moment as best I could. You now have someone very close to you who knows a part of you that you've had to keep hidden for all your life. I don't know your wife and how she reacts to things, but is it possible that you can be open and honest with her about this part of you? Maybe even ask her to make you accountable to her so that she feels secure with you wanting to hold the family together and make the best of it? Put some kind of filter (or tracking program) on your computer and have her be the only person with the password so she can check up on you. If she feels that you may be a threat to the kids, open up to her about what your attractions really are about and that there is no way you'd harm the kids. Perhaps the two of you together can tuck the kids in at night and pray with them. This would also be a good chance to start having regular prayer time with your wife -- make her your prayer partner -- and together you can pray about the things that concern the both of you. I know this has to be probably the toughest time in your life, but do what you can to take advantage of anything positive that may come out of this time in your life. Be open and honest... be humble and sincere. This just may be God's way of directing your life closer to Him. I hope this helps. Please forgive me if I said something really stupid. I didn't mean to. I look forward to you telling us about your progress. Hopefully we can help. ~Splash* |
Follow ups: