Please Help
Submitted by NeedHelpPlease on January 7 2002 12:26:01
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Brothers, I just discovered your site today and am reaching out as a last ditch effort to see if anyone can help me. I am hesitant to give out the full details of my life but have struggled with the same feelings many of you do as I have read these posts. I have been a minister for 20 years but have gone from one church to another, just keeping ahead of being totally discovered for having these feelings. At each place I became way too emotionally involved with teen boys and it led to problems. I have just recently resigned from my latest position. I have no desire to remain in ministry for to me the two things, my feelings and my calling, are diametrically opposed to each other. It has been a private world of hell and loneliness that I can no longer take. I feel I have lost almost everything as a result of this problem. I am middle aged, with no family of my own, and very little to show for my life. I live in fear of God, my past and the law. In a few days I will be homeless and not really have any prospects or place to go. I am seriously thinking of ending things, a thought I have had for years but now seems more logical than ever, since I see no hope of change in my life and giving in to my feelings for young men seems unthinkable while at the same time I fear I could. I don't really know what I am asking of you guys. I know all the verses about turning to God and all. But right now, I can't. I am mad at Him and perhaps have never had a real meaningful relationship with Him anyway. In fact I know I haven't. How can I, knowing who and what I am? Just on the off chance, does anyone know of a place where perhaps I can get some help or maybe just a place I can go to get better? To get ahold of life again and learn how to survive being a bl and also a christian? A safe place with just a roof over my head and someone to talk to? I would appreciate a response as I am literally counting the hours. Thanks. |
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