Desperately Needing Advice

Good morning all. I've been praying for a few weeks now for guidance from God on an important decision in my life. I'm prepared to set aside a period of fasting as well, but before I do that I want to have input from all of you who, better than anyone else, can understand my dilemma. Although I love talking with non-bls about BL issues, I am asking here for input from BLs only: As most know, I am a celibate BL and have always found masterbation and fantasy to be a sufficient outlet for my sexuality. In fact, I have such a rich fantasy life (or I did before I was baptized....now I am curbing it as best as I can) that it became the only thing that I lived for. Everything that I did in my life revolved around being around boys who could feed my fantasies. As a result of so much interaction with boys I became very talented at relating to them and have helped hundreds (maybe thousands) as a teacher, coach and mentor. Very few boys would say that their lives were in some way negatively impacted by our mutual time together and NONE would have a clue as to my sexuality. Despite this lifestyle, I grew up in a pretty normal family, have lots of friends, a good job and a comfortable lifestyle. People have always thought that I was the dad of kids that I spent time with, because I really do have a very paternal way with kids. I have always wanted my own children, and I am beginning to see, as my peers get older, that I am missing a tremendous chance to have my own family. Since I became a Christian (a year or so ago) I have prayed that God would change me and that he would help me become the normal person that I have always wanted to be. As it turns out, God planted a beautiful woman into my life and she happened to be a single mom. I have never been able to succeed with women (especially sexualy) and I certainly don't have the same powerful desires for them that I do for boys. However, I have found that from time to time, the mom of a boy that I am working with will become marginally attractive to me. Now I am in a situation were I am dating this woman, who already has the son that I have always wanted. He is too young to be at all interesting to me and when he is old enough, I am comfortable that I would never overstep my bounds with him. Yes, I will be attracted to him for a period of time when he is 10 or 11, but history has shown that when I become close to attractive boys, the relationship has become deep and meaningful but not sexual. Again, that has remained in my fantasies. So, here is my dilemma. The woman, call her Jennifer, is falling in love with me. If I trust God, then I should trust that he can change me and that I can make this relationship work. But on the other hand, it may not be God's WILL for me to change. As a husband and dad, I would limit the impact (positive) that I can make on boys, to those who end up in my family. I also run the risk that God choses not to change my sexuality, and that I will end up pushing Jennifer away when my sexual desires crop up. I do believe that God has a plan for my life, but I am reaching a point where I need to respond to Jennifer's desire for a deeper relationship (or tell her that it can never work). Sorry that this is so long, but I have to give you the background so that you can help me. Any input would be great. You are not alone. Ben "Father, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the widsdom to know the difference."