I was talking to my boss yesterday and we were talking about "deliverance" from non-hetro orientations. He noticed that a lot of my thinking builds from the premise that sexualality needs an outlet for most people. With such a premise in place I move into... what is the best outlet I can choose from my available options?

Having such a view means that I am not seeking to change my orientation at all... rather I manage it in as healthy a way as I am able.

This lands me in a somewhat precarious place theologically.

On the one hand, I believe that any kind of male to male sexing would be unholy in actual practice. On the other, I have a very active fantasy/masturbation life that is focused on male to male sexing. How can I reconcile these things?

I have attempted to draw a distinction between what one desires and what one actually does.
I have attempted to draw a distinction between what one fantasises about and what one intends to pursue.

These are paper tigers in some respect. Surely the holiness of God demands total purity, how could it want less?

But... and here is my point...

If one spends all of one's time floundering around trying to find what path to walk on... then one will never get anywhere. And whilst trying to find the correct path IS VERY IMPORTANT... sometimes the way forward is just not getting any clearer.

Eventually one has to say... well... I need to get moving... and pick up one's bags and start travelling along on the most likely path hoping and trusting that the Father will stear you right if you make a mistake.

This is what I'm trying to do.
God have mercy on us all
Blessings
Cat.