Re: Yes Indeed!
Submitted by Genghis on 2003-03-8 23:21:00, Saturday
In reply to Re: Yes Indeed! submitted by Chris on 2003-03-8 16:47:05, Saturday
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Thanks Chris for your message. :) And thank you everyone for being here for me. I found out, yesterday, that when I spoke with B's mom Thursday afternoon, she didn't understand or I didn't make it clear to her that I was a BL. She thought I was just homosexual, as did his father. That's why they seemed to be so "understanding". My youth pastor called them up yesterday and made it clear to them. He also had brunch with them this morning, to discuss it further. I talked with B's dad this afternoon. It is a lot different now. To learn that I am a "BL", not just a "homosexual", is very hard on them. Do you remember how B's dad said, in the voicemail, that they still love and accept me, and that I'm welcome at their house again very soon? It's all a farce. It's all fake. Homosexuals are so much more "common" in our society that it's a lot easier to trust them and love them. To them, homosexuality is OK to cope with. BL is a totally different thing. I thought they knew I was BL, that's why I was so ecstatic, so I said I loved them so much, they are so incredible. Now it's different. BL and homosexual are not the same. Now I feel it's more a case of: "you better not touch my son. We still love you and don't want to lose touch with you, but I'm his dad, so... etc." And yes. They told B. They told him this afternoon. Yes, you remember that his mom said to me Thursday that they won't tell him unless I consented to it. It's all a farce. They thought I was just homosexual. Now they know the truth - they are scared of me. They fear me. They trusted me so much in the past to let me stay over dozens of times. I was such to their son, and their family was such a blessing to me. Now they fear even to let B see me. I had earlier on in the year applied to Big Brothers/Sisters program. One of the recommendation letters was from my youth pastor. On Thursday, he called them and rescinded his recommendation. I got a letter in the mail today saying I was rejected from the program. B's family. I loved them so, so much. They're gone. They had accepted me into their family. His DAD waid I was a part of their family!! What happened? What did I do? And my youth pastor. Big Brothers/Sisters? I am ruined in my community. You have all been so sympathetic to me. God is so wonderful to let me have friends such as you guys. I felt in relative peace yesterday. Today I am almost even more upset than Thursday. B knows now. His parents told him. I wonder how he feels. I wonder if he really knows that I care for him, and I love him. I have shown him and his family so much love, and they have given me so much love back. I needed to feel loved and needed, and they gave me just that. G-a-v-e me. If it weren't for Jesus. He's the only one who unconditionally loves us all. He's the only one who knows exactly how I feel. He's the only, only one I can truly trust. He always forgives, always loves. He's the only one who really understands. How can all of them, living in the name of Jesus, do this to me? God, Jesus, Holy Spirit...... It's time to live and move on. Thank you so much for listening to me. I really need Jesus's love right now. Genghis |
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