Hello
Submitted by Ben on June 23 2001 19:55:46
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Hey All - It feels like a LONG time since I posted here, or even visited a BL site. I did get a message from Heather a few weeks ago, which reminded me that I should stop by. I didn't even know the new URL. I'd like to seek some advice here. God is definately working on my heart this year, as my convictions grow about my sin. For those who don't know me, my sin is basically lust and impurity, and pretty regular masterbation. I have never been particularly interested in hard core pornography (praise God for that) but have always had a healthy thirst for shirtless boys. Beyond that though, I have spent most of my life working with boys and I truly love and respect them. My impurity is a private affair, and it's side effect has only been to motivate me to be around boys. God has blessed me with a youthfulness and a talent for working with boys (and kids in general) that I am truly greatful for. So, here's the thing. I have joined a 'sexual addiction' group in my church. It's a pretty radical group, and the more that I have read about sexual addiction, the more it absolutely resembles my sin. I have not revealed the fact that my attraction is to boys (I wont go into details of why, but suffice it to say that it wont happen) but have basically substituted women as sort of a lexicon for talking boys. I know what I mean, and I feel that I can still learn from the group. The problem is that getting over an addiction isn't going to change my orientation. It just might curb some behaviors. I don't know if it is worth going through the group, knowing that I will never be able to real my attraction to boys. The bible is pretty clear that what I am doing is wrong. I am tempted to consider myself a 'special case' because my attraction to boys motivates me to help them. But I know better than to think that I have a special 'in' with God. I believe that God wants me to repent. The problem is that if I don't participate in the group then I will basically have to lie about my sin. That is walking in the darkness. 1 John 1 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. Hope you all are doing well. I'll try to stop by this week to see if there are any replies. You are not alone. Ben |
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