something I read
Submitted by asb on December 02 2000 16:51:46
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this is the only place i can say this. I was reading stories on ASSGM and there was one (called "Tim") about a relationship between a gay bondage master and a 14yo boy. (I have a thing for hard stuff-no matter the flavor, one of the many things I'm dealing with, but that's off the subject and not what I'm talking about here so don't even comment on it) I really liked the story because (well, besides my own arousal from the story) it was well writen, and it made me very sad (mostly the parts describing the boys previous abuse.) What got to me the most is that these two characters were committed to each other. The adult would say things like "we do do those things" and "we are like that." And that is what is hurtting the most-I'm lonely. It's not sex. I want to wake up in the middle of the night and see another face there. I want to have someone here who will love me back too. I want that sence of "we." Of my life being as important to someone else, to have that other hand there when i reach for it. You can never have that in a relationship with a boy, it's an adult thing. Since i'm not orented toword adults, I can never really have that. I know this is self pity, I know that this is part of what God gave me, but I think this is the hardest part for me. Not the lust, not the sexual frustration, but the impossiblity of having that other person. I want to be "we." peace of the lord asb "i'll be better in the morning." |
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