My girlfriend
Submitted by Ben on April 2 2002 07:02:13
|
Hello All, I've been travelling a bit the last couple of weeks and thought I'd give my computer (and my right arm which carries the laptop) a break by leaving the internet at home. When I got back, my girlfriend was more than a little anxious to crawl inside my heart to see if I really love her. She is pushing me to ask her to marry her, if I really love her. What I am realizing is that I truly do love her as a friend, that I enjoy our relationship and the time we spend together, her companionship and her partnership. But I know that there is something missing. I can barely look at her these days, always seeing something about her looks that I don't like. Too scrawny, small breasts, don't like her hair, etc. I wonder if I can ever rise above these external things and just love her because she is she. And then I think about the desire and passion for a beautiful boy. I think about how, when I am infatuated with a boy, how I will go to any length to see him, to be with him. How his mere presence in a room sends my heart racing. I KNOW that this is the power that brings two people together and I wonder if I am fooling myself to think that I can marry a woman. Perhaps I am supposed to stay single for the rest of my life. As much as I want a family, and know that I could be a great Dad, I lack the passion for a woman that seems so necessary. Any thoughts? You are not alone. Love, Ben |
Follow ups: