Christianity, PedoSexuality, and Empiricism [long]
Submitted by PlatonicDieci on 2002-12-4 13:11:02, Wednesday
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I've posted to this board very little, and under many nicks. Even still quite a few of you know me, or have in the past. My life has taken some very fast twists and turns over the last year leaving me still trying to reconcile my beliefs and experiences. I've always been one who's taken on the world and not looked back; finding strength in both my faith and what I knew my own identity to be. The way I saw it the worst that could happen would be to find myself in jail, but even then I could still enjoy life because I didn't base my worth or happiness on material possession- I based it on relationships and experiences. Life was a journey and I was excited for each step along the way, no matter where it led. When I was young I learnt the hard way how to base my security and joy on myself- which stemmed from an understanding of who I was, as an individual and as a Christian. Even if all other relationships failed I still knew who I was (and hence what the world was) and had a relationship with God. In the last three years my whole world has been shaken like a snow-globe as I entered the BL community, experienced my first relationship with a YF, and began trying to find "the truth." My journey has brought in questions and problems that have basically destroyed my paradigm, and my whole world is in shadows and fuzzy logic. I don't know where to turn other than here. I won't deny it, my main problem lies in that I want to believe that God accepts and indeed embraces sexual relationships which are founded in love and trust- even outside of marriage. I've seen first hand such relationships between boys and men, and to be honest they are some of the most happy and healthy relationships I've seen. My childhood belief was strongly fundamental. All things written in the Bible are direct from God, and therefore rationalistically believed a priori and only had to be examined in full context to be shown true. I held strong claim to heterosexual monogamy as the only way in which God honored sexual union. I believed that while the love I felt for children was appropriate, my sexual attraction to them was sinful- defined as such by being outside of God's intent/will. When I came to face the relationships which I believed to be so hurtful and sinful, I found relationships of love just as strong if not stronger than those of any heterosexual (monogamous or otherwise). I saw children in bloom, happy if not happier than I was growing up. I heard laughter and felt joy that pierced my soul- and I began to question what I truly believed. My rationalistic self and my empirical self conflicted- that is to say, my beliefs didn't concur with my experiences. I went through a very rough time with my YF, and we ended up separating for a time. I tried harder than ever to find myself, to regain my self assurance, to reconcile belief and experience. In the end I just cracked. I wanted to go back to my childhood and be blissfully ignorant. So I tried. I packed my bags and left, but found when I arrived that my eyes had been opened to things that I couldn't ignore or pretend about. I was in a freefall, not knowing who I was, or what God was. It took hitting bottom physically, mentally, and spiritually before I started to regain my strength. Where I stand right now, I'm living life under my old beliefs- but only because it gives me a place to stand while I try to gain understanding. The thoughts I have in my head now go something like this. God created us for a loving, trusting relationship with Him in which He gave us life. God created us male and female, that we could reproduce and love each other as we love Him. He gave us children to love as He loves us and to increase His family. We had to have the choice NOT to trust and love in order to truly be loving and trusting. Our choice to turn from our trust and love created a separation from God, which is sin. Through no means of our own could we ever repair the sin we created because we cut off our soul's life source. God's intention was marred by our action. God showed us this death and separation by creating Law, also known as the Old Covenant. It shows us that we are selfish and unable to purely love, and that we are dieing while separated from Him. God then sent Christ to live perfectly being half human and half God. Christ's death offered us a way to re-unite with God, by taking on the effect of our sin even though He was innocent. He effectively nullified sin allowing us to choose once again to love God and re-unite through Him, also known as the New Covenant. Under this New Covenant we are *all* redeemed and offered the choice of renewed life- with only his original will for us to love Him and each other as our commandments. That would mean by choosing to love God you’re reunited with Him through Christ, and to love Him you must only spend time in His presence and share His love with others. The ramifications of this postulate mean that the relationship a AF/YF have would be honored by God in sharing the closest union that He’s gifted us with. I know that this view strays quite far from what modern Christianity in almost every denomination would tell us. It probably has some serious theological flaws. But it’s the only postulate that makes any sense to me right now. I guess what I want is for someone to show me were I’ve gone wrong, or what I’m missing. To be honest I’ve gone to great lengths to not think about things, so this is just a starting place in my head. I figured it would be easier to play devil's advocate than to try and work the other way around. Please, if you’ve bothered to read all this- write SOMETHING back. I need you to. Peace and Love, Plato |
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